How To Speak To Your Brain In It’s Own Language To Relieve Stress & Anxiety Fast
It’s alarming but important to know that the part of your brain that is in charge of your stress outs and anxiety doesn’t understand English, so it really doesn’t matter what you say to yourself. It won’t work. Instead, we’ll learn the language that your brain speaks so you can directly convey the peace and calm that you want it and you to know so you can get a handle on stress-outs and other negative emotions. What works is so simple…you just need to become brain-lingual!
In this episode we will learn:
~Why talking to yourself is a lot like talking to a baby
~The difference between the downstairs brain and the upstairs brain and why this matters
~How to become BRAINlingual, that is, learn the language of the brain so you tell your brain directly in it’s own tongue to relax and peace out
~How Guided Meditation can help
Quotes:
“The part of your brain that needs to hear that there is nothing to stress out about doesn’t even understand English! You need to learn the language of your brain so you can speak directly to it and your body when you are stressed out.” -Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW
“Saying to yourself or someone else, “Relax! Calm Down!” Never works…in fact, it makes things worse…instead, what if I told you to think of the last time you were in awe of nature…bring yourself there…what message have you sent to your brain now?” -Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW
Books, ideas, people, websites mentioned in this episode:
Resources for Resilience https://resourcesforresilience.com
Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation by Dan Siegel https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6315775-mindsight?ref=nav_sb_ss_1_8
The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, MD: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-the-score?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=4bRPAPvdmj&rank=1
The Host for this podcast:
Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW
The Stress Therapist and Author
Twitter: @stresstherapy
Instagram: @thestresstherapist
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cheriaugustineflake
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cheri-augustine-flake-719b044
Website: https://thestresstherapist.com/
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https://thestresstherapist.com/contact/
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Cheri Augustine Flake (Author of Honey Do to Honey DONE!)
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A word from your host, Cheri Flake, LCSW:
Feeling good after our Stress Therapy session? Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, The Stress Therapist on social media and you can always go to iLoveTherapy.com to find out about meditation and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there. Do you live in Georgia? Are you ready to be one of my clients? Go to my website to find out how you can sign up for a free consultation with me. But at the very least, go to my website and jump on my mailer so, you don’t stress or miss one thing!
Time Stamps/Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Becoming BRAIN-lingual
01:40 What babies and brains have in common
03:45 DOS (downstairs) part of your brain vs. Macbook 2022 (upstairs) part of your brain
06:20 Where do our thoughts come from?
09:15 Why telling someone to calm down doesn’t work
10:40 How to relax by speaking sensations: the language of your brain
13:05 Present moment thinking and how it helps you become Brainlingual
15:58 Guided meditation with Cheri Flake
30:30 Closing remarks
32:16 Outro
Transcript:
Oh hey beautiful people who’s the crazy news for you don’t you try to talk yourself out of something like having a piece of chocolate or into something like falling asleep and relaxing if your brain needs to actually hear that information for you to do what you want to doesn’t understand English it’s crazy talk to you learn the language of your brains he didn’t leave one in your life I’m gonna teach you exactly how to do that today it’s stress therapy episode 50 season four he lacks settle Lynn and listen up because you are a stress therapy episode 50 begin with right nhac hey beautiful people it’s time for some stress therapy a podcast about how to meditate and get better and stress for people living in the real world finally a place to park by 25+ years of experience of working as a psychotherapist and the mental health field and now your house the stress therapy episode 50 hey beautiful people in a little bit about how your brain works and health language works and how to speak to the part of your brain she can actually get that part of your brain that strangely doesn’t understand English to do what you want to do the other day I was essentials, he was Cellarius I can’t think of what his name is but I’ll try to look them up and give him some credit in the show notes for his joke was something like I feel like all I do is sit around to babysit myself all day I’m trying to not eat chocolate Force myself to go to the gym and stop myself from doing this and that that is really funny because it’s really true and the older we get the more set an away as we get however never say never nothing is impossible for me to show little bit today about why talking to yourself and we talked last week about how to talk to yourself timely and the reason is is that emotion comes over into that part of your brain even though it doesn’t understand English so is my number expense right now but I want you to kind of think of it like this you know when you are around a baby and I got to see so many babies as we can on my gosh I was so lucky I got filled to the top with baby love the babies and toddlers all around at this family picnic it was lovely and I think about babies is is nobody answers the babies cry by walking into the nursery in saying what’s your problem I come every time I don’t know why I have to cry and get upset nobody says that because everyone understands that a baby doesn’t understand what you are saying and furthermore the most important thing is the cadence of your voice right and the movement of you and your body you don’t because babies are really focused on sensation OK see you gonna come in and talk to baby it really matter what you say right it matters you know that you talk like this right you like oh my goodness hi baby Lala Lala law we know just how to talk to a baby is it matter what we say it’s how we expressed emotion in her voice that’s what gets conveys to the baby and we’re all sort of born knowing this baby language is quite amazing you pick up the baby we move the baby back-and-forth me know that movement helps just know that language really well unfortunately since our brains been around for all these hundreds of thousands of years you got a kind a think a like this you don’t get like a MacBook 2022 when you’re boring OK do you get how your brain has a bald over hundreds of thousands of years Rachel kind of think of it like DOS I came aging myself what is our old computer program and I was like 0101 and that’s all we talked is a very simple but it wasn’t Sybil at all because I didn’t take it in high school like everyone else did I didn’t understand a bunch of your programming was relatively hard not user-friendly was using a strange language and then we moved up in the move bags of 2.0 after Smith corona whatever and then we’re adding these big pieces on top of the brain well in order for all these parts of the brain to talk to each other you know we’re having to grow and change with our brains and much like technology it’s moving a little faster than we can’t so DOS can’t really talk to MacBook 2022 OK I need to probably can’t but you have to buy all these elaborate Kinsey is it different interpreters and ways to get him to talk right I want you to think of your brain like that and the part of your brain which will call the downstairs brain OK I think I’m renting this awesome Dan Siegel and I’ll put Michelle in a excellent video on how to really like kind of grasp what he’s talking about here so it’s difficult for your MacBook 2022 to talk to you your DOS program Rite Aid and your lizard brain you’re downstairs brain what we’re gonna call it OK because you’re upstairs bring your MacBook 2022 uses language reason compassion all these really Vance human characteristics to talk to that part of your brain to get it to come down why do you have to talk to you dancers bring it all with that where your emotions are and that’s where your emotions are physically in your brain pressed up against your physical sensations right and that’s why when you have an emotion that’s really strong it feels physical again that’s how your motions get all tied up in the blue bin all mixed together into this big huge thing while back downstairs brain doesn’t speak English it’s like talking to the lizard right it doesn’t have all these advanced ways of reasoning and use and compassion and all of that what it does love is a music stories it’s kind of like talking to a toddler in order to talk to that part of your brain OK we need to stop for one second I think about where do our thoughts come from because before I talk about this really important that you kind of get the idea that it’s all a big mystery I mean if you like I thought come from our brain right who knows right we can see in our head when we wanna move our finger you know that that intention we can see that light up in her head and then we can see the finger moves where is the master and commander that says I am going to move my finger we don’t know where that’s located or where it comes from there sometime I actually think the box or in the ether and much like you know how if you look at a Schwinn bike than I was and you look at Facebook or Instagram you see a Schwinn bike there I mean that’s pretty crazy big brother he things but it’s a sticky thought right this is why people think like attracts like that if you think the same thought that you’ll attract other thoughts like it and things like that because it’s actually true right what do you think in about a bike your brain thinks he want that thing we covered this a few weeks ago and it starts to make that available to you every time you see that bike right so sometime to think that answer just sticky right and they’re like a big fat fat somewhere right there just all swirling around in there we could plug in the old boat out and take it to maybe thoughts come from outside of ourselves meat is not crazy cause it feels like it’s my fault it’s my deep thought now Innoway this is kind of comforting because I’m about you but I’ve had a lot of disturbing right and want to be nice to think come for me so I’m gonna give you a little bit of love right now and tell you were some of those thoughts come from OK well this is what they think right is the design district so let’s say that I’m cutting carrots and all the sudden my kid walks by and then I have this thought that’s like comes with an emotion because the very vivid picture of like my kids hand bleeding like to death of taking her to the emergency room and getting a bunch of stitches or whatever right a part of my brain has a fight flight freeze panic freak out whatever doesn’t have language so often it will just send a picture here here’s a picture of your kid bleeding right although that’s a learning it’s really I’m not thinking about cutting my kids fingers off but I actually am thinking about cutting my kids figured ha ha which is super alarming and scary and get stuck there I think that it is kind of a present from your brain your brain is like I don’t have any language and I don’t have any way to tell you this but I just wanna remind you that I am you know knives are dangerous right like here I’m just setting up this picture and that’s all the messages so if you acknowledge it it will likely just pass and you move onto the next thing it’s just a nice Little public service and a half from your brain OK so he start thinking of it that way there’s a lot of cool ways to think about talking to that part of your brain right so if I come up to you and you’re having a rough day and you say you’re crying or something like that or even if you’re panicking and I walk up and say relax calm down knock it off work right anything Mexican or Spanish what if I say oh you look so sad stop being sad you shouldn’t be sad why are you sad there’s no reason to be sad does that help no it does not help it does not help at all however what if I said close your eyes and brain yourself to you very favorite place in the world smell you smell their CBC there Close your eyes are really bring your whole self there to your very favorite place the most safe and sound most beautiful place in your hole being like when you finally get to go to this place all is right with the world and you actually take a couple minutes to breathe and bring yourself to that beautiful place you will begin to come in it’s because back part of your brain loves stories loves pictures and incidentally does love music so it’s just like talking to a toddler so the next time when you are of sad or maybe you’re having trouble sleeping is like that you don’t wanna come into the upstairs brain this place of reason and I only have five more hours just leaving to go to sleep right now rather than that why do you bring yourself into the space that your body actually knows this part is downstairs brain is attached to your body bring your thoughts bring your awareness into your body I just feel what it feels like for your arm to be resting on the bed if you would’ve feels like for the back of your right knee to exist in space and over the next couple weeks I’m gonna show you some really cool ways to do this but I want you to see how you can bring your attention from your upstairs bring to your downstairs bring right you’re upstairs brains we prefrontal cortex is is what makes you human let makes you be able to use reason to pause before you act to have compassion for someone else and see something from someone else’s point of you and your downstairs brain it’s just surviving it’s just surviving and it’s really focused on sensations and if you can bring your attention to sensations in your body that are neutral when nothing is happening it will send a message to your beautiful brain that as well one of the coolest examples I have a visit with my husband had this major surgery he was in the intensive care unit and I was in there with him and it was difficult for me to look at his face because that’s where the surgery was and made me very sad and it made me very scared and I would look like at his hand I just had to stop I just sent his thumbnail and be like look at is beautiful it’s exactly the same nothing is happening there he’s perfectly healthy his thumb is just as it always was it was very coming to me to look at his ankle that was perfectly healthy and wonderful and amazing and just existing in space as it did before the surgery right it was a lot like that Bring yourself to this neutral place you bring yourself to wear your body is in time in incidentally it’s impossible to do this without being in the very moment you’re in without really experiencing the present if I see what is it feel like for your left shoulder to exist in space you have to bring yourself into this moment to explore that and when you do your blankets iMessage even if it was just looking at you I mean email from someone or dealing with a hard conversation or whatever you were doing that was really intellectually stimulating it goes into your left shoulder and realizes that all is well and it is instantly coming that is the language that your brain speaks it’s sensations it my shoulders feel supported it feels warm as close and I can feel close next to it I can feel the air heading it I can feel it just existing in space I can feel kind of tense from yesterday typing too much I can feel it very loose from having gone swimming yesterday or whatever it’s all sensations and those sensations thoughts that sensation imagery is what sends a message of total calm and peace to your upstairs brain and then you’re able to come then it very clear that all is well that is the language and it’s even better when it’s with pictures or music or in a story and so now I’m going to bring you into a storyline we’re gonna do a meditation room with you the whole time I’m not gonna leave and play binaural beats like we normally do and I’m gonna show you how to talk to this part of your brain anytime no matter what’s going on and get yourself become to be relaxed to send a message to your downstairs bring that all is well all is well without any tricky talking to you later bro reading yourself for saying mean things yourself and actually speaking to your brain in the language that it appreciates the most understands the easiest and works the quickest OK because when your brain is like oh my goodness I’m doing here is being aware of my shoulder I am safe and sound in my environment even if this things going on in my marriage is things going on at work I’m really worried about my house or whatever those things fall way because that’s not present moment present moment is the shoulder and your brain is like oh this is all that’s going on I’m doing great all is well and you get moment of peace and rest and come as that’s what the truth is that is what happening right now it’s right now find yourself in a comfortable position I’m going to do a guided meditation today a very special treat talking to that part of your downstairs brain all right let’s do this right now take a moment now to and a very very very comfortable sitting position this is not hypnotherapy see you don’t wanna lie down but if you want to lean back you know this is also a little different then our formal sitting meditation practice this is guided meditation so a comfortable position is important but maybe the spine doesn’t have to be so Street Chen does not have to be level to the ground it Canby you just need to find a position Will you can be attentive aware alert and not fall asleep make some micro adjustments to get yourself comfortable with props or blankets her talents and I’d start with a long slow deep breath in here now I’m gonna let it go logo again take a long slow deep within your nose blanket oh girl human and now take one last beautiful brown acetylene in your nose and as he release out of your mouth to Celena your body to settle Lynn allow your head and shoulders to saddle your limbs in hand in the alley and spine allow your bottom and thighs and knees and Schintin cabs ankles and feet and all your toes all your fingers to settle take a moment to just locate your branch where is it it might be easiest for you to find it in your nostrils already in your throat perhaps in your heart center your lungs are valley choose a spot Bring your awareness there without judgment of the brass or wanting to change it to a certain way just noticed it what is it Watch it watching a branch come and go to school if you start to think about something I was just gently bring yourself back to the garage now when you’re mines I with your eyes still closed in your body still relaxed and settled in I want you to remember a particular time in the past when you were in Aj nature and something outside just took your attention and you were locked in so night chest the beach may be a pretty killer sans I want you to bring yourself that moment now maybe you saw something beautiful Took your press away have you locked eyes with a deer if you visited one of the most amazing places in the world and saw something creeping riveting Bring yourself back there now what was happening see now what you song smell anything there is to spell feel whatever there is to feel Touch whenever there is to touch here whenever you heard perhaps there are people with you maybe you were drinking a coffee you’re experiencing some other sensory stimuli driving if you were swimming Bring yourself and your entire body back to that experience and stay with it allow yourself now to feel whatever it is you felt what emotion is there chili countless peace laughter allow your body to feel exactly how it shall time that day at that beautiful moment piggy with the experience remember the details experience stay with it now allowing that experienced away from you do a quick body scan what does your body feel like right now what is it feel like to reside inside of your own body just experience the top of your head the space between your eyes you spelt your heart your solar plexus I need below your belly button your secret if feels like to be fully present inside of your body and I want you to think about a time in the recent past we were mildly irritated who is a really big deal but something I just got you a little irked a little frustrated Bring yourself into the experience now much like before she feel what it feels like to be there to hear whatever what was starting to experience whatever you song or whatever really just tipped you over a guy thanks thoughts that you thought what are you wearing who are you with how did it go down just bring yourselves there and stick with it for a moment can just feel it feels like to be there boutique is frustrating situation and all that comes with it and just allowed to leave your awareness and take a long slow deep you’re not I had just fallen away with your ex out of your mouth just take a moment to check in with your body how does your body feel different what are the effects I’ve experiencing it’s frustrating I’m in again please if you like on your feet and your niece your hips your belly your shoulders how’s your throat feel what is a different what message did you send your body just now I’m not moving in your mind Picture Beautiful picture of nature that preach at the divine is that moment in time when you are truly an honor of it all and breathe that in allow yourself to feel what you felt to be there with whomever you away whatever you were doing whatever you were seeing your smiling or hearing experiencing Bring yourself there now allow yourself to nurse yourself in it stay with it show me your body what it was like simply by being there right now Will be wearing what day was it what was the weather like details it may have slipped your mind in the past that you see now hello yourself to feel what you feel be with can I check in between your eyes around your giant ears even around your neck or shoulders or other bag down your spine tears secretly your belly what is your body doing now do you need do you joint do your feet sit in your body knowing that you changed knowing that you can take this particular tool this experience we see you in your pocket wherever you go whatever you need it whenever you’re feeling Down or scared or worried can’t sleep Bring this message this moment that you have created now right now for you to experience whenever you want it this piece that you have created and when you’re ready come back into FaceTime this moment this room this body and you can open your beautiful eyes OK you got the ammo now man you got it you know how to talk to that part of your brain and the next time that you can’t sleep or you’re panicky or scared or worried are you just can’t come yourself down or you’re about to have a hard conversation to you’re trying to make it difficult decision see if you can speak to that part of your brain come out of your upstairs brain into your downstairs brain into your body are your body keeps the score right Great Great book I guess I’ll Vanderkolk about somatic work that you can do to make yourself well this is a part of that my girlfriend who runs resiliency training courses and resources for resilience a shout out to them in North Carolina this is one of the tools she teaches people who have been through trauma who have been through horrific experience is who have stressful jobs who are in really hard relationships you have experienced trauma beyond our wildest dreams this is one of the tools that she uses with them so they can learn how to speak to their downstairs brain and get out of the prefrontal cortex where we tend to just Ryler selves up and get stuck in that emotional loop you know it’s a let me know try that’s just try it and let me know how it goes and get me on Instagram at the stress therapist but the most important thing is that you take this tool and you put in your pocket and you tried the next time you need to be calmer the next time that you need to find a little piece the next time you can’t I’ll sleep ever you have going on next week we’re gonna deal even a little bit further into the anatomies you can understand why meditation is the key to the CEO OK till next time I love you have a lovely lovely day feeling after that stress therapy session good awesome check out the show names to connect with me I therapist and social media distress therapist on Instagram and asked stress therapy episode 50 you can always go to I love there if you don’t come to find out about meditation and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there if you live in Georgia and you’re ready to be one of my clients go to my website to find out how you can sign up for a free face-to-face consultation with me the very least jump on my mailers you don’t stress from this one thing until next time have a lovely lovely day
