Joy. How to Find It, Spread It, Feel It & Forget It!
Who’s happy? Really happy? How??? We are so obsessed with happiness but how can we be happy with all these people around that we disagree with or don’t even like! What about what’s happening in the world? How can we be happy with all that going on???? How can we make everyone understand how we feel or what we’ve been through? Wayne Dyer said, “There is no way to happiness, happiness IS the way.” What does this mean and how can we make this work for us so we can finally be happy? We’ll find out on this episode where we examine joy, feel it, spread it and learn how to carry it around with us.
In this episode we will learn:
~ Where joy comes from and how we can use this information to experience our own joy.
~What it means to focus both inward on your own work and focus outward in sending love and light and how this creates joy.
~ A loving kindness Metta meditation experience with the musical stylings courtesy of The Sonic Yogi
Meditation Music by Sonic Yogi
Deep Sleep With Singing Bowls
Pythagorean Dream
Listen to Sonic Yogi on: Spotify Apple Music Amazon Music Watch Sonic Yogi’s Ted Talk
Interesting Mentions: Kashi Ashram in Atlanta Georgia Pema Chodron: This Lousy World Heartwood Retreat Center : location for Cheri’s Georgia Mountain Retreats Jekyll Island: Location for Cheri’s seaside retreat
The Host for this podcast: Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW The Stress Therapist and Author
Join Cheri Flake on her Next Meditation And Yoga Retreat!
In the mountains or At the beach
Love the show? Please rate and review us! Send some love bucks to the show: Paypal: cheri@thestresstherapist.com Venmo: @cheri-flake Thank you!
Stay in touch with Cheri and be a part of the Stress Therapy Community!
Twitter: @stresstherapy
Instagram: @thestresstherapist
Facebook
Linkedin
Website
YouTube
Join Cheri Flake on her next retreat!
Register for a meditation and yoga retreat in the gorgeous Georgia Mountains and walk away with a new, solid daily meditation practice with benefits that last a lifetime!
OR
Register for sweet, peaceful meditation and yoga beach retreat on Jekyll Island seaside right off the coast of Georgia.
Want Cheri Flake to be your therapist? If you live in Georgia go here to schedule a free 15 minute consultation
Follow Cheri Flake on GoodReads
Buy Cheri’s book: Honey Do To Honey DONE! A Simple System For A Productive And Happy Household With Absolutely No More Nagging!
A word from your host, Cheri Flake, LCSW: Feeling good after our Stress Therapy session? Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, The Stress Therapist on social media or go to www.iLoveTherapy.com to find out about meditation classes & meditation and yoga retreats.
[00:00] Hey, beautiful people. What’s up? Far be it from me to say what the meaning of life is, but I think we’re here to experience joy. And even if you don’t agree with that, who doesn’t want to experience joy? So let’s figure out how to do it right. Let’s do it together. Let’s find it and spread it and pick it up and spread it around and get more of it and all the things, even if you’re not feeling it at all. So relax and settle in and listen up because your stress therapy session is about to begin right now. Hey, beautiful people. It’s time for some stress therapy. A podcast about how to meditate and get better at stress for people living in the real world. Finally, a place to park my 25 plus years of experience of working as a psychotherapist in the mental health field. And now your host, me, the stress therapist, sherry flake. Hey, beautiful people. I would love, love, love for you to be on a retreat with me. But I get it. You’re on the fence. Not sure what’s it gonna be like? Well, here’s what it’s like. One of the best experiences I’ve ever had. The way she facilitated, the way she held the space. And I tell the truth when I need to tell the truth. She was magical. The accessibility to be able to meditate today.
[01:29] Beautiful.
[01:30] Yeah. Amazing experience. And I know leaving this retreat. I’ve been to so many meditation retreats. This was different because it’s accessible. I can start with five minutes and build from there. Every meditation retreat I’ve ever been to, I didn’t build a practice. I’m confident that I’ll build a practice following this one. So it’s just made it real, real life application. And the place is magical. The music, the food, the art, the walks to, to the place have no expectations, but yet know it’s amazing. Hey, beautiful people. How you doing? Okay, so I have been doing some serious amount of yoga. Whoa. Like, I’ve been doing the teacher training, the 200 hours thing. I’ve been doing it at a local ashram, kashi ashram in Atlanta. I can put it in the show notes is a great place to go do yoga. There’s lovely, lovely teachers there, lovely people going there, and swamis and monks and all the things. It’s a lovely spiritual spot right in the heart of Atlanta in Candler park. And I’ve been spending a lot of time there. And then over the weekend, I did a 25 hours yoga, NIDRA certification training, which was a lot and it was kind of like coming out of a silent retreat. I mean, I get there and we just lay around and meditate, and we’re in these deep, deep, you know, different levels of consciousness, meditation moments in the cosmos. And, I mean, it’s a lot. So I even had a couple prevmies over the weekend, if you could believe that, knew a couple things before it was going to happen. I mean, I know I sound like a crazy nut, but I am a crazy nut because I’ve been spending so much time being quiet. And when you get that still, I mean, that little circle of time that Einstein talks about, it’s, it’s, um. Yeah, it’s not linear. And you get start to get a little confused about the timing of things. And so you can sometimes see something coming before it comes. What? I know, I know it’s crazy talk, but the other side effect of spending that much time so quiet all these hours and weekends and, I mean, just completely neglecting my family and my life and spending so much time quiet is a lot of joy. And it’s just been bubbling up and bubbling up. Now, I would be a liar if I didn’t say that there’s some adjustment period after you come out of that much time being quiet. That’s what I meant by it’s a little like coming out of a silent retreat because I’m a little sensitive afterwards. I’m a little. I don’t know. I’ve been pushing my ego down all weekend long, and it kind of rears up its ugly head. And you’re a little sensitive, and you’re a. A little mean. And my husband’s always like, why are you like this after you go on a retreat? You’d think I would be all blissed out. But it’s not really like that because you’re all blissed out. Your ego has a lot of complaints, and so it takes a second to adjust. So that’s what I’m going through today. So excuse any blunders or various weird things that I might say, but, yeah, I mean, full on premonitions, man premise, crazy talk, right? I know, but anyone could do it. I can’t even say can do it because that doesn’t make any sense because there’s nothing to do. You don’t do it. It’s just there. It’s really weird. And I kind of wish it was, like, more important things. I don’t know, but maybe they are important. Who am I to say? Nothing really seems important right now, that’s for sure. But joy, joy is important. And it does bubble up when you meditate a lot. Joy comes out of nowhere for no apparent reason. Probably because you’re moving into different brainwave states and you’re just wandering around feeling like a million bucks for no apparent reason, which is the message about joy. Here’s the thing about joy. Listen, I’m all about this, like, conscious communication, avoiding hierarchical language, whatever. All these cool things that I’m learning about in yoga and all these things. I think that’s really important. It’s important that you’re kind. It’s important that you don’t use, you know, microaggression in your communication. It’s important that you are nice to everybody. That you don’t assume things about people. Because the way they look, the way they act, the way what they’ve been through, whatever, okay? That. That **** is important. That is important. No doubt about it. You need to walk among everyone else on this earth knowing that with respect, to value, that we are all exactly the same. But according to our experiences and our life experiences, people in our lives, and the trauma that we’ve had when we were younger or whatever, we are all different. However, okay? It is your responsibility to be nice to everybody. There are no throwaway people. In the wise words of the swami at Kashi Atlanta, the guru there said, there are no throwaway people. And that is true. And nothing annoys me more. My ego gets all riled up when people say stupid things like, I love all people. Except for those people over there. I don’t love those people. That’s your work. That’s where your work lies. It’s easy to be nice to your favorite neighbor. It’s easy to be nice to your best friend. Well, usually, right? It’s easy to be nice to your baby. It’s easy, okay? Those things are easy. When someone’s nice to you and you like them. It’s easy to interact with them, to be kind with them, to use all of these beautiful, loving kindness, random acts of kindness, whatever. That’s easy. Your job is with the person who’s not easy. That’s where your work goes. You’re nice to them anyway. You see their light anyway. And that is not easy. That’s hard. That’s why it’s hard. That’s where the work is. Because once you can learn how to do that, your life gets so much better. So much better. I think it’s. I’m really bad at who said what, but I think it was Rumi, maybe. I’m not sure. I don’t remember who said this? But I heard it from Wayne Dyer’s mouth, and he said, a bad man is a good man’s job. A good man is a bad man’s teacher. Your job on this earth is to figure it out. And all these people on social media and all over the place, even in your life, and whenever you talk to your friends, they’re like, that person is toxic. That person is horrible. I know, I have a whole podcast on, quote, toxic people. There are no toxic people. Yes, there are people that are not supposed to be in your life. You’re supposed to just catch up with them in the next life or work it out somehow in this life. But there are not toxic people people, okay? There are no throwaway people. There are people that probably, you are going to have a better life if you don’t interact with them on the reg. I get it. Or if you allow them to, you know, you can just send loving kindness from far away. I’m not saying you have to hang out with them and break bread and everything. I’m just saying you can’t, from far away, say, I’m cool with these people, and I’m a loving entity, and I’m a spiritual person and I love all these people, but I don’t love those people over there. You can’t do that. That’s not it. That’s not the way that’s just gonna spread more hate. That’s whatever you don’t like those people about. You’re doing what they’re doing, you’re doing what they’re doing. You’re not understanding where they’re coming from and loving them how they are now. It’s almost impossible to love people how they are. Blech. Ugh. There’s all these people doing stupid ****. I get it, okay? But you just, you gotta kinda see it as your job. You see it as the way in, the way out, the way through, because it feels better to find their light. Even if you have to do it from a thousand miles away, even if you have to do it after they passed on and transitioned to the next life or whatever, that kind of psychic energy is going to work for you. And I think what we’ve gotten a little wrapped up in, and I hope I don’t get a lot of slack for this, I’m sure I will, but we’ve gotten really wrapped up in. Everybody needs to know what I’ve been through. I have anxiety, I have childhood trauma, I have, you know, whatever your thing is, and everyone needs to accommodate that, and you’re just going to be disappointed because no one is going to understand you exactly the way that you are and act exactly the way that you want them to. And if you’re relying on everybody to accommodate you, you’re going to be so disappointed. And I don’t want that for you. You work on yourself. You work on yourself. There’s an excellent video by Pematrogen. I’ll put it in the show notes. She talks about, you cannot run around the world putting leather on everything. So when you step on it, your feet don’t get burned. You have to wrap your own feet in leather. I love it. I love that. That’s the best thing I ever heard. That is the best thing I’ve ever heard. You. You do the work. And my best friend, when she was going through a bad divorce, now she’s happily married and she’s with the one, and he’s amazing. She’s amazing and they’re happily married. However, she had a marriage before where she wasn’t happily married, and so they decided to terminate that marriage. And while she was going through a divorce, I never mentioned my husband anymore. And she was like, it’s perfectly okay for you to talk about being happily married. In fact, it gives me a little bit of hope. So you cannot keep that joy in. You have to let it out. You have to let it out. It shows people that there is hope in this world. And when you have joy and when it comes up and bubbles up out of nowhere, and it definitely comes when you can figure out a way to love someone that you don’t even like. Okay? I mean, there’s so much that comes from that. It’s lovely. Okay. Because you set yourself free. You’re free. You can be joy. And I’ll tell you something. I was in this yoga teacher training. There’s a lot of people there that are going through a lot of pain, and there’s a lot of people there that are going through it right now. And I personally, right now in my life, I’ve been through some things. There’s no doubt about it. I did not always have it easy. I don’t want to give you that. No, but everybody has their own bag of rocks to carry, right? But right now, in this moment, and I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, man, but right now, in this moment, on this very day, things are pretty good. My life is pretty good. I’m not saying that it’s not hard. I’m not saying that it’s not busy. I’m not saying there’s things I want to change. I’m not saying whatever, but I have found the joy in between the spaces because of a lot of meditation, because I’m trying to love my neighbor. That’s not that nice. And because I am letting this joy out. And I was in this yoga class, and I was just being really quiet. And as you know, I’m not a quiet person who’s quiet? Not me. I mean, I spend so much time trying to learn how to be quiet, right? But on the reg in my day to day, not really the quietest person. And in this training, I was super quiet. And one of the swami’s totally called me out. She was like, listen, I think you’re giving me bullshit answers, and I think that you’re holding in your joy. You’re, like, having joy constipation. What? Joy constipation. Watch that. And then I had to look at myself. One of the Raja yoga ways is Svad Yaya is like, looking at yourself, okay? And self study. And I was like, oh, my God, she’s right. I’m being really quiet. I’m kind of pretending that I’m not happy because I don’t want people to feel bad that I’m happy right now, and they’re not, which is ridiculous, okay? It’s absolutely ridiculous. Because what happens when you spread that joy? What happens when you spread that joy and that hope? People feel better. They want to be around it. They want to be around someone who’s joyful. And I got to tell you, I’m so happy right now. And I think it’s because I’ve spent a particularly long time in meditation over the weekend, and things are kind of going well. But it’s more intrinsic, okay? It’s intrinsic. And if you start meditating regularly, you will find these moments of bliss and joy that you cannot explain. It’s not because of something outside of you. It’s not because someone said something nice to you. All these things that are going on around me, like, right now, my house is under heavy construction. I have somebody bringing over a kitchen cabinets today, and I just hope they’re the right caller that I picked out. And there’s something seriously wrong with my computer. It’s like. I don’t know. I don’t even want to say, but, like, I’m going to have to have that looked at. I’m not saying I don’t have stressors, but for some reason, I am so happy, happy, happy and, like, laughy and joyful. And it’s. Okay. It’s okay, so whenever you kind of feel it, don’t say, I don’t want to express that or later on I’m not going to have it or how long is it going to last. I get it. You know, Dolly Parton says, you know, if you want to have the rainbow, you gotta have the rain. I get it. I totally get it. Things wax and wane. But when you have that moment of bliss and joy, stop everything. Let it out. Feel it. Remind your body what it feels like. Stop wondering where it’s coming from because it’s coming from you. There is a piece of God or Buddha or Allah or Jesus or whatever you call it inside of you. Om Namashivaya. Whatever it is, there is this energy in you and it is connected to source and there it is bubbling up for you to enjoy it and let it be. Allow it. Allow yourself to feel joy. Allow it to come out. Even if it’s only once a week for 1 second. Okay? I want you to just allow it. Be with it. Feel what it feels like. And if this is completely foreign to you, get your butt on the cushion. Yes, get your butt on the cushion and be really, really, really kind for no reason to the person that’s not kind to you. They won’t get you. I promise. They won’t come and get you. You’ll feel so much better. That’s what a loving kindness meditation is all about. So let’s take a quick break and I’ll be right back and we’ll meditate together. Let’s do it. Because that is the prescription. That is the cure. That is the be all, end all. Get quiet. Let your beautiful, joyful self bubble up and the quieter you get, the louder and more beautiful it gets. And I want you to have it so bad. We’ll be right back.
[15:29] Take a long, luxurious breath in. Let it all go out of your mouth in a comfortable seated position. Allow yourself to settle in. Let your head settle with your chin level to the ground, your spine straight. Allow your limbs to find a comfortable place to settle. You might find that allowing the backs of your hands to rest on your knees or thighs is a comfortable spot. You might want to turn your hands around and allow the palms of your hands to be on your knees and thighs. You might even put your fingers in gyan mudra, making the okay sign where your first finger and your thumb are touching, resting, resting comfortably and just allow your shoulders and spine to settle in and take another long, slow, deep breath in your nose. Let it all go out of your mouth and bring your attention to your third eye, to the space between your eyebrows, this place of wisdom and knowing. And as if you could breathe into this area, allow your breath to move in your third eye, out of your third eye, calling on the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, Christ, consciousness, the universe’s wisdom, the source. Whatever energetic field you want to call on that has the wisdom and knowing beyond our wildest dreams, whatever you call it, breathe in, breathe out this wisdom, this knowledge. Take your time, a few moments here to call on guidance from the field. And now bring your attention to your beautiful heart center, imagining that your breath is green and bright, breathing in your breath, into your heart center. Now, from breastplate to spine, from shoulder to shoulder, breathing in this lovely, green, beautiful breath that the earth just gives and gives and gives. There’s always breath for you. It’s always there, exactly how much you need, lighting up your heart center. And this bright, neon green breath as it comes and goes. And in your mind, I want you to think of a person that is so easy to love, it might not even be a person. Perhaps it’s a pet, just some sentient being that is so easy to love. When you bring this picture into your mind’s eye of this lovely being. Breathe in that green, beautiful breath. And as you breathe out, send loving, kind of San Mata Maitri to this sentient being. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live your life with ease, at peace. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live your life with ease, at peace. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live your life with ease, at peace. And as this image moves away from your mind’s eye, take a few breaths, green, beautiful breaths, and bring to mind someone that you know, but not really. Perhaps you see them at a store that you frequent. Maybe you know them from a place that you visit. Or maybe you see them at a club, a place where you belong, a gym, a library, a church, just a place that you go to, a grocery store. And you might not even know their name, but you see them. And whoever comes to mind first is probably just the right person. Fill your awareness with this sentient being. And again, fill yourself up with that green, beautiful breath of love and light, sending it out to this person. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live your life with ease, at peace. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live your life with ease, at peace. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live your life with ease, at peace. And now allow this person’s essence to leave your awareness and bring to mind a person that you have a small grievance with, someone you’re just a little irked by nothing major. And again with that deep green, beautiful, loving, heart centered breath. Begin. May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live your life with ease at peace. May you be happy may you be healthy. May you live your life with ease at peace. May you be happy may you be healthy. May you live your life with ease at peace allowing the situation and person to leave your awareness once again and just bring to mind your neighborhood, all the people who live around you. May we be happy, may we be healthy. May we live our lives with ease at peace may we be happy, may we be healthy may we live our lives with ease at peace may we be happy may we be healthy. May we live our lives with ease peace at peace. And now, zooming out from your neighborhood, see if you can imagine your entire state, whatever state you live in or territory. May we be happy, may we be healthy may we live our lives with ease at peace may we be happy, may we be healthy may we live our lives with ease at peace may we be happy, may we be healthy. May we live our lives with ease at peace. And zooming out now, you might want to imagine your entire country, maybe even your continent, getting that beautiful visual from the sky looking down on this beautiful part of the earth. May we all be happy, may we be healthy may we live our lives with ease at peace may we be happy may we be healthy may we live our lives with ease at peace may we be happy may we be healthy may we live our lives with ease at peace taking another beautiful green breath in lighting up your heart, imagine that beautiful round earth, marble suspended in the black, starry sky and wish the entire mother earth and every sentient being on it. May we be happy, may we be healthy may we live our lives with ease at peace may we be happy may we all be healthy may we live our lives with ease at peace may we be happy may we be healthy may we live our lives with ease at peace and now take a few more loving, heart centered breaths. Ready your beautiful body for the most important loving kindness for the most important wish upon ourselves, turning that beautiful love into inward. May I be happy may I be healthy may I live my life with ease, at peace may I be happy may I be healthy may I live my life with ease at peace may I be happy may I be healthy may I live my life with ease, at peace take a few moments to luxuriate in this beautiful loving kindness that you have created, this calm, this peace that you have wished upon all sentient beings, including your beautiful self, remembering where you are, remembering who you are and what a gift you are, and when you’re ready, you can open your beautiful eyes.
[30:22] I just don’t think it’s a coincidence that joy comes from sending love and loving kindness to other sentient beings. I think we’re supposed to come together. I think it’s one love, man. I really, really do. And science is even starting to show us that, you know, people who pray for other people, the person who’s being prayed for, even if they don’t know they’re being prayed for, yeah, they get better. But the person who’s actually doing the praying, they get even better. That’s remarkable. That is remarkable. People who care for other people live longer. That’s amazing. Okay. We need to remember that we are here to lift each other up. And that if you spend some time being quiet, if you spend some time spreading love, if when you feel joy, you allow it in and you allow it to permeate your aura and send it out to everyone else so they can see it, you don’t have to ruminate about it. You don’t have to wonder where happiness is. It’s already there. You can forget about it completely. When you make a decision to get quiet enough and self aware enough to know that at times in your life you were probably the neighbor that someone didn’t like. I know I was. And that there are no throwaway people that you were probably someone that did something really, really stupid or said something absolutely horrible, I mean, I know I was. And so we’re all that person at some point, and everything we see in everyone else is just some aspect of ourselves. That’s how we see people. We can’t see their true light. 1st 1st we see what we see in ourselves, in them. And if we can get past that and spread love anyway and feel joy anyway, you start to realize it doesn’t matter what goes on around you. Joy is still available to you. Love is still available to you. Don’t hold it in. Don’t be joy constipated. Let it out, baby. Let it out. Okay. I love you and I’ll see you next time. Have a lovely, lovely day. How y’all feeling after that stress therapy session? Goodbye. Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, the stress therapist on social media, hestress therapist on Instagram and stresstherapy on Twitter. You can always go to ilovetherapy.com to find out about meditation and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there. If you live in Georgia and you’re ready to be one of my clients, go to my website to find out how you can sign up for a free face to face consultation with me. At the very least, jump on my mailer so you don’t stress or miss one thing. Until next time, have a lovely, lovely day.
