New Year’s Resolutions Done Right. FINALLY.
Everybody seems to be over New Year’s Resolutions and I understand why! The way that we have typically gone about them sets us up for failure. The kicker is, one of the very best ways to relieve stress is to finally get something into your life that you really want. Think about it: What would your life look like, how would you feel if you were actually doing the things and becoming the things that you wanted to be, do, have and experience?
But it’s so hard! And it feels so bad when we fail time and time again! Remember, when we feel bad about anything that we want to change in our lives our brain goes out of his way to avoid that thing for us and the next thing you know it’s January 25 and that thing that you wanted to do or change has come and gone. Today, I am going to give you a couple of tips on a different look at New Year’s resolutions and how you can get them into your life and feel great about them and actually achieve them it’s actually kind of fun!
In this episode we will learn:
~ What The New Year’s Resolutionist’s Mistake is and how to avoid it
~ A different way to look at New Year’s resolutions and how to make them fun while actually achieving them
~ A meditation experience about how to manifest your New Year desires with the musical stylings courtesy of The Sonic Yogi
Meditation Music by Sonic Yogi
Deep Sleep With Singing Bowls
Pythagorean Dream
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TRANSCRIPT:
[00:00] Hey, beautiful people. What’s up? Happy New Year. It’s 2024 and I am back. And it’s my favorite time of year because it’s the beginning of the year when everyone thinks it’s a magical new time to start all these new behaviors and new ideas and creative thinking. And I just can’t wait to tell you exactly how to actually create some new year’s resolutions that work. Finally. Yes. Here we go. Woohoo. So glad to be back. Relax and settle in and listen up because your stress therapy session is about to begin right now.
[00:50] You.
[00:52] Hey, beautiful people. It’s time for some stress therapy. A podcast about how to meditate and get better at stress for people living in the real world. Finally, a place to park my 25 plus years of experience of working as a psychotherapist in the mental health field. And now, your host, me, the stress therapist, sherry flake. Okay, before we get into the thick of it, we’re going to take a teensy tiny break. Be right back. Hey, beautiful people, what’s up? I’m so glad to be back. It’s been so long, man. But I needed it. It was cool. I had a great holiday season and I hope you did too. And here we come. It’s shiny 2024 there for the taking. And I just want to cover New Year’s resolutions because they’re my favorite thing and they’re my least favorite thing. And the reason why is because I hate New Year’s resolutions because they make everybody feel miserable. And if you talk to anyone, like, there’s going to be a lot of people who don’t even click on this episode because of the title of it, because people have had it with New Year’s resolutions, because how we typically go about them gets us set up for failure. And if you fail enough, you start to feel bad. And if you feel bad about something, if you’ve learned one thing from me, from Shera B, it’s that if you feel bad about something, your brain thinks you don’t want it. Your brain thinks you don’t like it. Your brain thinks you don’t want that thing, so it goes out of its way to avoid it. Please put that in your pocket. Tell all of your friends. Every therapist wants you to know that the most important thing when you begin to change a behavior and when you want something to change in your life is that you have to feel good about it. And if you don’t, you have to trick your brain into feeling good about it. So we’re going to be talking about all these cool things about New Year’s resolutions, and we’re going to be doing it, I don’t know, for as long as we want to. Because here’s the kicker. The number one rule with New Year’s resolutions via sherapy, according to me, the stress therapist Sherry Flake, is that you cannot rely on January 1 being a magical day where things magically change. And I think that’s why people get down, right? They’ve been doing it. And after we turn 3031-404-2435 we’re like, no, I don’t even do those anymore. I completely ignore them. However, there is a lot of merit in having a new year’s resolution and actually having it work for you. And so here’s what you do. Rather than thinking this magical day on January 1, I’m magically changed. And all of a sudden, I just run three times a week for 20 minutes, or I just work on my novel five times a day, or I just. I don’t know. Nobody says, on January 1, I’m going to start doing Jimi Hendrix licks. Right? Like, you have to ease into it. You have to allow your brain to learn something, right? So what we do is, by the end of 2024, answer the following. Fill in the blank of these sentences. I would like to try. I would like to be. I would like to have. I would like to accomplish. I would like to finish. I would like to experience. I would like to travel to. I would like to see blank person or blank event, whatever. Okay. You could come up with 30 or 40 of those types of sentences with beautiful endings to them by the end of 2024. And so in order to do that, right, you need to have, like, monthly check ins and kind of make a plan rather than for the whole year. And then you look at your list of things that you would like by the end of 2024, and you pick your top three or five if you’re ambitious. Three is fine. One is fine. Okay. Just pick one. Pick three. Do not pick more than five. And make a plan and schedule it. Okay? So you would put a reminder on your phone, and you would put a time in your calendar that you would give this some consideration. And I mean, like, ten or 15 minutes. It’s not that big of a WHOOP. So if by the end of 2024, you would like to be running three times a week for 20 minutes, then maybe by the end of January, your goal, you’re going to be walking around the block twice a week, something like that. Or maybe you’re even walking to the mailbox. I did this with one guy once, and he wanted to become, like, a fast walker, a speed walker, or whatever that is. He didn’t want to run because he didn’t want to hurt his knees. He’d already had a knee problem, but he really wanted to begin walking, and he wasn’t walking at all. And we started off with him going to the mailbox quickly there, leisurely back. Okay. And this guy had some physical problems that made it walking kind of difficult, right. And so he kind of had to ease into it. And remember, you have to honor how your body works, even if you want to be, that doesn’t matter. And I want to do it quicker, and I know I can do it. All right. I was a speedwalker when I was younger, or I was a runner before, or whatever your ambitions are, remember, you got to ease into it and remember how your brain works. Okay? So if I could. I know many of you have heard me say this before, but if I could, I would eat all my meals for the entire year in one sitting so I wouldn’t have to cook or eat at all. I think that’s really convenient. I’d rather just pay all the money and eat all that I can for, like, I don’t know, I guess it would take a couple of days to eat that many meals, but just do it all at once and then not have to think about it for a year. I think that would be awesome and convenient and amazing and economical and all those things. It doesn’t work like that, man. So the reason why you can’t do Jimi Hendrix licks at the beginning of the year on January 1 perfectly is the same reason why, if you haven’t been running at all and you haven’t been playing the guitar at all, you can’t just start running 3 miles three times a week or 20 minutes or whatever it is, whatever your goal is, it’s the same thing. Okay? So even though you could push yourself, all right, we’re talking about long term goals, long term behaviors. You have your whole life to become a runner. So rather than do it perfectly up until January 21, why don’t we do it somewhat in 2024 and make it a long term behavior, and then the progress will come, man. You have your whole life to do it. Chill out, you know what I’m saying? And be nice to yourself, man. Okay? So start small. So make monthly goals, check in once a month, and see how you’re doing. And if you need to make any changes, and if you’ve changed your mind. Maybe you’re like, I don’t like running. I don’t like running myself. That would not be a good goal for me. And if I made it, I know by the time January 31 came around, I’d be like, different goal. It’s okay to change your mind. You can change your mind. This is hilarious. So I bought this t shirt from natural life, which I love that store. I’ll put it in the show notes. I think it’s naturallife.com. And my little treehouse has all these really cool natural life stuff in it. I have a natural life blanket on me right now, and I’m sitting on a natural life butterfly pillow right now, and both of my dogs are fighting over a bone on a natural life little sleeping bag that they’re on. And I got this t shirt there, and it says, you can always change your mind, which I think is really important to know. And I gave it to my son, and I said, hey, could you return this for me? That would be great. It doesn’t fit. It’s a size too big. And he said, sure. And so he handed me the little piece of paper that you put in the mail with whatever you’re returning with the mailing label. And I was folding it all up and putting it into the bag, and I looked at it, and it said, why are you returning this? And my son Owen put. She changed her mind. And you know what? I don’t know if this is a coincidence or not, but they wrote me back and said, don’t worry about returning it. Keep it. And then they sent me my money back. So I didn’t even end up having to send it in. It might be because of the witty response from my son. I just thought, you think that’s funny? Anyway, back to New Year’s resolution. So that’s number one, okay? You need to feel good. And the way that you do that is by acknowledging that January 1 is not a magical day where everything changes at once. New Year’s resolutions are for the entire year. It’s a huge pet peeve of mine when people will say, did you have a happy New Year? And it’s like, January 3. And they meant, did you have a happy New Year’s Eve? Or how is your holidays? Or whatever, but the whole year is available to you to have a happy New Year. It’s not one day, man. Okay? You could say, did you have a happy New Year’s Day? Did you have a happy New Year’s Eve? Or what did you do? Or whatever. But did you have a happy New Year. And it’s January 4 or whatever. I mean, come on, give me some time to have a happy New Year. Man, that’s too much pressure. I changed my mind. Okay, so what did we learn? We learned that January 1 is not a magical day. And that’s okay. You have the whole year to be magical. The whole year is magical. So you don’t have to worry about everything changing on January 1 perfectly. And you learned that you can decide what you’d like to accomplish or do or be or have or become or try or whatever. You have the whole year. You want to do it by the end of that beautiful year. Okay? And that you can do monthly check ins to make sure you’re on track. That’s it. Okay. I have a million other things to say about New Year’s resolutions. I love this. It’s like my total thing. And so I’m just going to keep visiting them and we’re going to keep talking about them. We’re going to talk about how to make positive changes in your life that last for good. And my dogs are arguing over a bone. I really hope you can’t hear them growling because it’s driving me nuts.
[11:21] Okay.
[11:23] I love you to pieces. Here’s what we’re going to do. I’m going to do a guided meditation and then I’m going to give you about six minutes with the sonic yogi’s beautiful, unbelievable music to do the meditation that I’m going to introduce. And then I will come back to lead you out, okay? So we’re going to have a break with an ad and then we’re going to come back and so do whatever you need to do during the break. And we’ll come back and we’ll meditate together. And it’s all going to be about how you’re already magical. You don’t have to create any magic, okay? The year is already magical. You don’t have to make it magical because you are magic simply because you walk on this beautiful earth. I love you to pieces. I’m so glad to be back. Let’s do this. Let’s talk about positive changes in your life and how to actually get them into your life with regularity. Because here’s the thing. There is nothing that relieves stress more than getting the things that you want into your life with regularity, without stress, without procrastination, without excuses. It’s just something you do without thinking. You don’t even have to think about it. Runners don’t freak out about running. They just run. Okay. People who are learning Chinese, finally, when they finally get it, they don’t worry about it. They just speak Chinese. Okay. What you want is for these things to come into your life with regularity. You don’t need to do them every day. You don’t need to do anything every day unless it’s, like biological and maybe brush your chomps. But if you missed a day at brushing your chomps, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. And it’s okay if you miss a day. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. There are times on this earth when I have missed brushing my chomps and I just brushed them when I realized it. Or the next time I was near the sink, or I just brushed them the next day. And I’m going to be okay, and you’re going to be okay, and everything’s going to be great. And so we’re going to take a quick break and then we’re going to meditate together. I love you. See you in a minute.
[13:21] Sation space. Allow your body to settle in. Check in with your breath, following it for a momentary. And allow yourself to focus on the pause after the inhale, right before the exhale, or after the exhale, right before the inhale. Without forcing anything or changing anything.
[14:28] Just.
[14:29] Simply pay ATtention to that pause. Be with it. Notice that natural beat before your body goes on to the next breath, to the next part of the breathice. This natural rhythm that you don’t have to think about simply comes and simply goes with these little minute pauses. And now move your breath awareness to the space between your eyebrows. This place of wisdom and knowing. And as if you could breathe through the space between Your eyebrows. Imagine your breath coming in to this space, to your third eye, breathing in, breathing out, breathing in through your third eye, bringing in whatever wisdom or knowledge that you need coming from the source in. And then breathing out between your eyebrows back into the ether. Imagine your breath coming and going here’s. And in your mind’s eye, I would like you to see something or perhaps a symbol of something that you can create with your imagination. And usually the first thing that comes is the best thing you I’d like you to imagine that something that you desire, that material thing that you want or place you want to visit or thing you want to accomplish or experience you want to have. And you can see it in your mind’s eye or a symbol of it. If it’s a trip, maybe you can see that country’s flag. And maybe it’s very material. Maybe it’s a ring. Maybe it’s a car. Whatever it is, I want you to see it in your mind’s eye and allow yourself to wrap around in its detail. What does it look like? What does it feel like? What does it smell like? What does it even taste like? And as you hone these details, I want you to imagine what it would be like if you actually had this thing. If you actually did this thing or became this thing or experienced this thing or accomplished it. What would it feel like in your chest? What would it feel like in your heart? What would it feel like? Would you be happy or calm? Would you be joyous or bliss? What would your whole body feel like? Would you drive a different car? Would you walk differently? Would you hang out with different people? Would you drive differently? Would you drive to a different workplace? What would it feel like for you to actually have this thing in your life? Stick with it. Teach your body what it feels like to have already done this thing. It’s over. It’s here. So what does it feel like? Teach your body. Now allow yourself to light up. Perhaps you’re even smiling. Maybe you have butterflies. Stick with it. And now allow this beautiful symbol of your heart’s desire to fall away, back into the void, away from your consciousness, coming back to that breath between your eyebrows and come to the mantra ohm. Ohm. The hymn of the universe. Ohm. Silently repeating this mantra over and over. And if you space out and start thinking about or doing something else, you simply come back to it time and time again, gently returning, keeping your focus on ohm. Ohm. Ohm. Just for a few minutes, and I’ll be back to guide you out. Allow the mantra and your breath awareness to fall away and just come right back into this moment. But don’t just jump up and move on. Allow yourself to sit in this bliss, in this peace and quiet that you have created, feeling what it feels like in this space, to have visited your desire in real time.
[28:22] To have repeated.
[28:23] The sound of the universe. Be in this very moment. Now take a long, slow, deep breath in your nose. Allow that breath to exit out of your mouth, letting it go.
[28:55] One more.
[28:55] Deep, cleansing, awakening breath in your nose, allowing yourself to come back into this room in this time, in this moment, and then letting it all exit out of your mouth. And when you’re ready, you can open your beautiful eyes. Close. I really hope you’re feeling magical, because you are magical.
[29:26] You are a big, huge, gigantic, beautiful piece of magic. And you can really make anything happen. And here’s the best part.
[29:36] The most happens, the most magic comes to you when you do absolutely nothing.
[29:42] So I hope that your 2024 is filled to the top with taking time for stillness and contemplation. I love you to pieces and I’ll see you soon with more ideas on how to make New Year’s resolutions work for you and positive change and getting all of those juicy, delicious things into your life with regularity without added stress, procrastination or excuses. That’s the name of the game. I’ll come back and talk about that next week. Have a lovely, lovely day. How y’all feeling after that stress therapy session? Good. Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, the stress therapist on social media, at the stresstherapist on Instagram, and at stresstherapy on Twitter. Always go to ilovetherapy.com to find out about meditation and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there. If you live in Georgia and you’re ready to be one of my clients, go to my website to find out how you can sign up for a free face to face consultation with me. At the very least, jump on my mailer so you don’t stress or miss one thing. Until next time, have a lovely, lovely day.
