When Life Feels Heavy: How to Lesson Your Load
Every single person on this earth has something that they could teach you. Mostly, it’s about being open I’m being a good listener. Even if you think you have met someone who couldn’t possibly teach you anything and you’re sure of it, I can guarantee if you were dead wrong. Today I’m gonna tell you about one such person that I thought really couldn’t teach me a thing and ended up teaching me one of the biggest lessons in my life. Everyone is dealing with something. No one, no matter how famous or rich or influential or put together someone seems, no one is doing it perfectly or has the perfect, cushy life that they may only let others see. Truly, we all have our own bag of rocks to carry around, on this path of life we’re on and when you live this reality, you can actually learn how to lesson your load.
In this episode we will Learn:
~How we are way more the same then we are all different
~How to find the biggest and best teachers in your life ~What it means to have a bag of rocks to carry around on this life’s journey
~Letting Go and Lessoning Your Load Meditation
The Host for this podcast: Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW The Stress Therapist and Author
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Quotes:
“Everyone on this earth has something to teach you.” —Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW
Interesting Mentions: The Wisdom of the Enneagram
As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
Cindy Dollar Certified Iyengar Yoga Instructor (Cheri’s retreat yoga teacher!)
Heartwood Retreat Center : location for Cheri’s Georgia Mountain Retreats
Ethereal Network of Shows Spotlight Podcast Skeptic Metaphysician: Will Rodriguez & Karen Endsley Website: https://www.skepticmetaphysician.com Twitter: https://twitter.com/WillRodriguezFl Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SkepticMetaphysician Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/skepticmetaphysician_podcast/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TrisoltVideo
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[00:00] Hey, beautiful people. Sometimes when you’re just feeling so heavy and you can’t move through something or around something or lift yourself up, you can find teachers in the most unlikely places. Today, we’re going to talk about that. It’s season six stress Therapy tips and tricks that this psychotherapist wants you to know. So relax and settle in and listen up, because your stress therapy session is about to begin right now. Beautiful people, it’s time for some Stress Therapy, a podcast about how to meditate and get better at stress for people living in the real world. Finally, a place to park my 25 plus years of experience of working as a psychotherapist in the mental health field. And now, your host, me, the stress therapist, Sherry Flake. Okay, before we get into the thick of it, we’re going to take a teensy tiny break. Be right back. Hey, beautiful people. What’s up? Okay, so strangely, the person who taught me the lesson that people who you could never suspect on this Earth are going to be your greatest teachers is actually a person that I would have never, ever suspected would have been one of my greatest teachers. This was a psychiatrist I was working for after I think I mentioned that I’ve worked for some questionable people before in previous podcasts. This is definitely one of those people. He was kind, and he had a kind heart, but some of his principles I was not necessarily in align with. However, because of that, I didn’t have the utmost respect for him, probably less respect for him than I definitely should have, because he ended up teaching me something that still sticks with me and I think about almost every single day. Yeah, this guy who I mean, I’ll be frank, I’ve definitely made fun of him. I definitely have referred to him as a person that I would not follow his advice, even though he was a mental health professional and a psychiatrist. Just some of the things that he did I thought were questionable. He enjoyed people waiting for him. He was a little what we like to call just a little bit narcy, a little on the narcy side. So not enough probably to diagnose with the personality disorder, but just has a lot of those narcissistic traits. And it’s difficult to work for someone with those traits and certainly difficult to engage and let your guard down and be friends with someone who has these narcissistic traits. But his heart was big. He did have a very big heart, and he did care about the patients that he was seeing. Absolutely. Which is the most important thing, and that’s why I did work for him. Right. And you’re not going to have everything in common with every boss that you have, especially if you’ve had as many jobs as I’ve had. Okay. Or been fired as many times as I’ve been fired now, it is relevant that this particular doc did not fire me. So that’s good news, right? And I’m sorry if I’m a little congested today. I’m getting over something. But I wanted to meet with you today anyway because I wanted to mention this doc and tell you that this guy who I don’t know, I thought he was kind of goofy and I didn’t know if he really had his own life put together, really. And we think that the people who really have it together and are like models for us and who we’d like and admire are the ones that are going to be our biggest teachers. But really often, I mean, we all know a little baby or a little certainly I have a puppy right now and this puppy is definitely testing my patients and all types of qualities that I would like to hone and get better. And so she’s definitely teaching me a lot. But we think that people that are really rich or famous or beautiful or just have their lives or they’re doing what we wish we were doing or whatever it is, are going to be our biggest teachers. But you really need to pay attention because often our biggest teachers are people that you just would never suspect. And this doc was one of those teachers. And one time he said to me, I will never forget this. We were actually going into nursing homes and checking geriatric patients for certain side effects of medications that when they’re over prescribed or if they’re not watched carefully, they could have really bad side effects and that are treatable. You want to catch them before they’re irreversible. And so we would do these screens on geriatric patients that were on these medicines that were likely to cause these problems, these neuroleptics. And we went around to nursing homes and we drove around to every nursing home in Georgia. I swear. I mean, we did a lot of nursing home work together. And we were driving and he said, and I don’t know what prompted it and I don’t know where he got it or who taught him this, but he said, you just never know. Everyone has their own bag of rocks to carry around and you just never know what’s in someone’s backpack and what they’re carrying around on this path. So you might be wondering what does thinking about other people’s burdens and problems and things that are going on in their life, like how does that remotely tie in with seeing unlikely people and creatures and sentient beings as teachers? And I’m just saying that the ability to see something from someone else’s point of view is so healing. I have done this so much with my clients in trying to get them not just to see the other person’s side, but to legitimately be in that point of view, to legitimately understand without thinking about yourself, without thinking about how you would be or how you would react wholeheartedly, putting yourself in someone else’s position and understanding their point of view, even if it’s contrary to how you think you might handle that situation. Or even if you’ve been in the exact same situation and dealt with it completely different or felt completely different about it. There is something grossly healing about sitting with someone in their pain or joy or peace or love or anything. And that kind of point of view can be the teacher. That point of view can show you what’s possible. I mean, there’s nothing more wonderful than totally being completely blindsided by loving someone who doesn’t think the way you do or getting close with someone that you never thought you would. Or being open to an idea that just you never thought would appeal to you. And all of these things are teachers. Because when you open yourself up, you learn more. And when you learn more, you’re better. You’re just better. I mean, for real. This is what makes life interesting, right? That’s why we go to movies. And certainly because we read books. You wouldn’t have access to someone else’s point of view. And that’s why I think books that are I mean, the first one that I ever saw like this was a William Faulkner book. It was called as I Lay Dying. And I was so floored by the idea that it talks about this family and their mother has passed and they’re moving her body from one place to the other. And each chapter was a different perspective, and it included the really small children. And I’d never read anything like that. And now you can’t throw a stick without hitting a book like that in the library. There’s so many like that. And I think it’s because we’re kind of hungry for thinking about acting, like, pondering the idea that not everybody is like us. And that’s not bad. It’s not good. It just is. And that there’s so much available to you when you let go and get lost in a book. This is incidentally. Why? I really like the enneagram. I’ll put in the show notes, the wisdom of the enneagram. I mean, we’ve all had experience with the personality test, right? And we figure out that we’re exactly how we thought we were. Right? And we’re shocked. And we completely ignore the parts that point out what we don’t think we are anyway. I mean, I’m a mental health professional. I’m not knocking all personality tests. However, I do think that when we’re presented with I am intuitive or even extrovert introvert, whatever it is, we get a little obsessed with ourselves. We are already obsessed with ourselves. We walk around with an ego that’s constantly telling us how wonderful we are or how horrible we are. We’re obsessed with ourselves. And what I like about the Enneagram is that it really gets you to examine what other people are and how you can relate well to this. Each person is prescribed a number right to a number two to a number three, to an enthusiast like me. A number seven. Whatever it is. And then you actually learn how to get along better, how to communicate better, considering the other person’s personality type, which I think is so cool. And this is the teacher, right? This is the cool thing. This is when we grow and learn and we’re like, we put down a book and we’re like, oh my gosh, I’m completely different now. Or like, I have a friend and her name is Jen. She might be listening to this, I don’t know, but I mean, she is admittedly a crazy cat lady and I just never thought I’d have a friend like that because I just never thought I would. I just never thought I had my own preconceptions about what a cat lady is like and they’re not like her. That conception was mostly negative. And she’s one of the nicest, sweetest, most wonderful people that I know. And she’s got a catio in the back and she’s saving all of these cats and she’s going out of her way to even save the lizards in her yard. I don’t know why they need saving, but she has a very good, valid reason for this. And I’m telling you, she’s nothing like I thought a crazy cat lady would be. And I want to be best friends with her. She’s amazing. And I would be missing out on that if I wasn’t open to the idea of what a, quote, crazy cat lady is, right? It’s just opening up a little bit. It’s being flexible. This is why yoga is important, right? It teaches you to be flexible on the inside and the outside, right? So you can let some ideas in and let other types of people in and other points of view in. And then you the one who gets to grow, you’re the one who gets to be better. It’s such a gift. And so thinking about someone’s bag of rocks, honestly, it’s not even thinking about it. Considering that someone else has a bag of rocks to carry on their own is one thing, but taking out those little rocks and boulders and bowling balls or pebbles or whatever they are and examining them together and allowing whatever someone is doing or saying or going through or whatever experiencing they’re having, just having it be theirs without changing it, without giving them advice, without telling them how they could be doing it better or different. I mean, this is honestly where I struggle the most. I’m a therapist. It’s difficult not to give my opinion about things that seem therapizing you know what I’m saying? And when I don’t, it’s so much more profound just to be where someone is. And people aren’t necessarily looking for advice, they’re not necessarily looking for a way to go. Most people want to just feel understood in the very moment they’re sitting in. And that is really relatively simple to give. Maybe this is why I don’t really necessarily like the term empath because, yes, there are varying degrees to how someone feels someone else’s pain or that. But I do see that this word is often separating someone from the rest of us. And I’m just trying to figure out ways that we can come together. And having empathy is a very human condition and it has to do with compassion, having more compassion or being more empathic than someone else. All of these things are separating. And I’m just trying to figure out ways that we can be with one another, understanding that we are so much more the same than we are different. And one of the ways that we are the same is that we all have a bag of rocks to carry on this beautiful path of life. And some backpacks are real heavy. Some backpacks are light most of the time. Backpacks change their weight and value and size as life changes and things wax and wane and things get worse and better. And sort of like Dolly says, if you want the rainbow, you got to sit there in the rain and just sort of knowing that and listening and just maybe not getting so worried about your backpack so much. And I just think that when we focus on other people’s load, ours becomes lighter. It just does. And that if you’re struggling with a decision or with something really difficult in your life and you don’t know what to do, or you’re in the thick of something, that’s really hard. Strangely, sometimes if you can move your focus to sitting with someone else, being with someone else, understanding someone else, just being with someone while they work out their own bag of rocks, sometimes that’s the best teacher there is. And it’s true. I learned this from someone that I did not think had much to teach me. And it’s one of the biggest lessons of my life. And I’ll be frank, at the time I thought it was really cool and what he said made sense and I thought it was kind and I thought it was considerate and I definitely thought that it was interesting and something that we all really need to pay attention to because it is very ultimately lovingly. True, it’s all one love, right? And that really resonated with me. But as I’ve gone along in my life and he probably said that to me, I mean, at least 15 or 20 years ago. And I am encountered with that every day in my work, often with my kids, even with a puppy with a stranger. Today I went to my first vet appointment with my little puppy. She’s so sweet. My daughter came up with her name. Her name is Karma. And I get to say good karma, right? It’s very sweet. And she went in for her little booster shots today. And there was a woman there with her 18 year old cat and she was putting her down and she was alone. And again, I thought of this doc telling me about our bag of rocks and how this woman was clearly carrying around a boulder among her rocks in her backpack that day. And I mean, I did everything I could to soothe her. I even offered her a ride home. She was all by herself to soothe her, to listen to her while she talked about her cat. I don’t know if I was in any way helpful to this woman, but I think when we’re encountered with situations like that, when someone around us, maybe that we don’t even know is hurting or sad, we need to remember that this is a beautiful sign from the universe, that maybe it’s time to pause and come out of ourselves and move our attention away from ourselves, our families, our troubles, our day to day, and really focus, even maybe hyper focus on someone else for a bit. Because nothing can heal you. Like caring for helping or just listening to someone else, just noticing that sometimes our bag of rocks is really light and then it gets heavier and you’re putting rocks in and taking rocks out as you walk along your path, this journey of life. And I think sometimes it’s okay if someone hands you their rock and you put it in your back and carry it just for a little bit for them. I really do. And you have to be aware and awake and willing and open to the idea that you can be of great comfort to someone. And this is different than the idea that someone might be a teacher for you that you wouldn’t suspect. But when we are a shoulder to cry on and when we are listening and when we take the focus off of ourselves what our diagnosis is, what our story is, how we came here, what’s happening with us, what our kids love to do what our dogs are like or whatever. When we move to the other side and we listen and we understand and we help other people, they become our teachers whether we want them to or not. I mean, I’ve learned more from my clients, I know, than they’ve ever learned from me, for sure. And being open to that, you just don’t want to miss out on these lessons. And if I was completely shut off from this doc and I was like, yeah, whatever, I wouldn’t have listened that day. And that is one of my greatest lessons for sure, is to remember everyone has their own bag of rocks to carry around. And if we can keep that in mind, we can lift each other up a lot easier. So let’s work on that part of our brain right now that hones the ability to have compassion and empathy and be flexible and open. Let’s meditate together right now. [18:19] Today we’re going to work on letting go of what’s not serving us, what’s holding us down holding us back, making. [18:33] Us sick, making us sad or worried. [18:36] Or tired, unmotivated, all of it. We’re going to let it go. Take a long, slow, deep breath in your nose and let it all go out of your mouth. And just notice how your body in a sitting up position kind of already begins to settle in. Let go. Take another long, slow breath in your. [19:10] Nose and as you let it all. [19:12] Out of your mouth, just kind of notice your shoulders relaxing, your spine settling in from the base of your skull down to your sacrum. Allow every breath to serve as a way inward, allowing your body to become comfortable enough to forget about it completely. We’re going to do the simplest mantra as we watch and follow our breath, we remember that we’re not really breathing. Remember we’re being breathed. We’re being breathed. What that means is that just like last night when you were sleeping. [20:27] You. [20:27] Were breathing and it was going great and you are completely unconscious. Breath happens whether we pay attention to it or not, whether we think about it or not. And when we stay out of it, it goes pretty well. [20:52] So rather than taking control of your. [20:55] Breath like we just did, with those deep breaths in our nose and out of our mouth, decide now to watch your breath. Watch it come, watch it go. Trusting that your brain is handling breathing for you, that you can completely check out and continue to breathe perfectly. Exactly how your body needs breath to thrive and function without any assistance or interference from you. You’re simply just watching it. You may decide to watch it from around your nostrils, your throat to your heart center, your belly, even the back or front of your lungs. But all the same, you just watch. And our mantra today is very simple. From now on, associate every breath in with the word let and every breath out with the word go. Let go. Let go. Now begin associating these breaths with these words at your own pace. When you begin to falter and think about something else, just gently bring your awareness back to each in breath. Let each outbreath go. Coming back time and time again, allowing your in breath to be filled with attention and focus. Allow your outbreath to be just relaxing, letting go. Let go. Allow the breath and the mantra to fall away from your awareness. Just allowing yourself to sit in this beautiful space of peace and calm, knowing that you don’t have to jump up and go anywhere. This is what you’re supposed to be doing. Self love, self care. This sitting in the peace that you have created is fully and wholly your agenda and purpose in this very moment. So just decide just for a moment to stay right here, gently bring your awareness back to this room, this time, this body, this moment, and just moving your body around the littlest bit without opening your eyes just yet. Perhaps you just twist at the spine or roll your neck around or move your wrists or ankles in a circle, just allowing your body to come to life before you let in all the light. Knowing that you’ve let something go for sure. Here. [33:31] Now. [33:34] Take a long, slow, deep breath in your nose, letting it all go out of your mouth. And one last breath in your nose, letting it all go out of your mouth. And one last cleansing breath knowing that you’re different, you’re lighter, you’re better, you’re one love in your nose out of your mouth. And when you’re ready, you can open those beautiful eyes. [34:17] I so hope that all of this. [34:19] Was helpful for you in some way. [34:21] And please know that that is always my intention is to bring you the littlest bit of wisdom or idea or something that you can kind of put in your pocket and bring along and maybe the next piece of advice or the next idea that you get or the best thing you’ve ever heard is just from someplace you would never imagine. So just stay open to it. And I wish you a day and life of magical love and peace and great healing and happiness. Have a lovely, lovely day. Before I go, I want to tell you about another ethereal network of shows podcast that I think you’re going to love. Ever wanted to astral project speak to. [35:08] A loved one who’s passed heal people. [35:10] With just a touch of your hand? [35:11] Well, you won’t learn how to do that on this podcast, but you will hear from those that can. [35:15] The Skeptic Metaphysicians Podcast is not your typical dry and boring metaphysics show. It’s a fun exploration of metaphysics spiritual awakening, tools, modalities and personalities that’s as entertaining as it is informational. [35:27] Join hundreds of like minded souls who are growing and expanding their consciousness@skepticmedaphysician.com. [35:34] Discover the skeptic metaphysician. [35:35] Your new metaphysical obsession. [35:42] How y’all feeling after that stress therapy session? Good. Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, the stress therapist, on social media, at the Stresstherapist, on Instagram, and at stresstherapy on Twitter. You can always go to ilovedtherapy.com to find out about meditation and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there. If you live in Georgia and you’re ready to be one of my clients, go to my website to find out how you can sign up for a free face to face consultation with me. At the very least, jump on my mailers so you don’t stress or miss one thing. Until next time, have a lovely, lovely day.
