How to Make ANYTHING Habitual So You Don’t Have to Think About It ANYMORE!
In order for something to be habitual it needs to feel normal and it needs to have been around for a while to feel normal…the experts say about six weeks! So how do we get to this place is something we really want our lives is not habitual ~ we may be barely doing it, maybe not at all ~ into a place of regularity…Something we do without stress, procrastination or excuses? There’s an interim period in which you will have to be very vigilant about this behavior so you can make it a habit finally. So, today we’re gonna talk about some cool ways to get there. It’s all about tips and tricks to get to that place where whatever it is you’re trying to make habitual becomes just a part of who you are…where you don’t even think about it anymore.
In this episode we will learn:
~ What to do in the interim period before your desired behavior has become a habit
~ Specific suggestions to make your new habit easy and fun and enjoyable before it even has become a habit.
~ A meditation experience using the mantra Aham Brahmasmi with the musical stylings courtesy of The Sonic Yogi
Meditation Music by Sonic Yogi
Deep Sleep With Singing Bowls
Pythagorean Dream
Listen to Sonic Yogi on: Spotify Apple Music Amazon Music Watch Sonic Yogi’s Ted Talk
Interesting Mentions: Doja Cat’s Paint the Town Red Cheri’s meditation teacher, davidji Heartwood Retreat Center : location for Cheri’s Georgia Mountain Retreats Jekyll Island: Location for Cheri’s seaside retreat
The Host for this podcast: Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW The Stress Therapist and Author
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[00:00] Hey, beautiful people, what’s up? So we all know that nothing relieves stress like getting what you want into your life with regularity without having to stress about it or procrastinate about it or worry about it. It’s just there. You do it without even thinking about it, but you have to stick with it for a while for it to become habitual, right? So how do we do that? What do we do to make sure our butt is on the cushion and our leash is on the dog and we’re heading to the gym or whatever it is that we want to change in our lives? How do we hang in there until we don’t have to think about it? We’re going to talk about that today. So relax and settle in and listen up because your stress therapy session is about to begin right now.
[00:54] Hey, beautiful people, it’s time for some stress therapy. A podcast about how to meditate and get better at stress for people living.
[01:01] In the real world.
[01:02] Finally, a place to park my 25 plus years of experience of working as a psychotherapist in the mental health field. And now your host, me, the stress therapist sherry flake. Before we get into the thick of it, we’re going to take a teensy tiny break.
[01:28] Be right back. Hey, beautiful people. What’s up? So in order to make some change in your life, you are going to have to stick with it for a little bit. Because if you want to make a change in your life, it’s assumed that you’d like to make it a change for good. And to do it for good, it’s going to have to become a habit. And so if you want it to become a habit, you’re going to have to do it over and over and over again until your brain has agreed with you that it is something that you need and that it’s absolutely normal and familiar thing to do and that you don’t even feel like yourself unless you do it. That’s why runners say infuriating things like, I haven’t run for a while, so I don’t feel like myself. They’re not trying to make you feel bad about running. I mean, I don’t think so, but they truly don’t feel like themselves because it’s normal for them to run. That’s why runners run on vacation. That’s why runners don’t say things like when will I run? Or what will I wear? Or how will I do it? Or here are the reasons why I can’t do it. They just run without added stress, without procrastination and without excuses. So how do we get to that point? When practicing the ukulele every day for 15 minutes is normal. When meditating rpm rise, p meditate is completely normal. How do we get there? What do we do during that time when it’s just so hard to sit there? When it’s so hard to pick up that ukulele, what do we do? Well, you’re going to have to really work during that interim period because like every other habit that you have right now, it took a while. Now, we talked about last time how it was important that you found the intrinsic value. I mean, when you play the ukulele or when you learn that song or when you’re able to play it all the way through or memorize it or sing along with it or whatever, how does it feel? There’s something inside of you that wants that beautiful feeling in the moment of doing the behavior right. And that’s why, if you want to do strength training, you need to get really clear on what’s going to be fun for you, what’s going to work for you, what’s going to bring you those beautiful endorphins and dopamine eventually, because it takes, like, six weeks for your brain to catch up and say, you know what? This working out thing, I feel great doing it. This walking around the block with the dog every day, I love it. And then it’ll start to give you these juicy, wonderful things that will keep you on track, that will keep you feeling good about whatever it is. So when you wake up in the morning, you’re like, ugh, I don’t want to do that thing. Ugh. I don’t know what that new little pop song is. Where she goes, ugh. Oh, yeah, paint the town red. I guess it’s Doja cat when she does that. Ugh, I love that part. It doesn’t remind me of when I get up in the morning and I’m like, I don’t want to do this thing. I don’t want to do it because that’s the part of me that resists. It resists. But there’s also the part of me that’s like, if I get up and meditate for an hour or whatever it is, I am going to feel amazing in the moment, after the moment, the rest of the day, whatever. Okay, so we got to figure out how to do it. I do have Some cool advice on how to do it. First and foremost, an accountability partner works 100% of the tIme. During the pandemic, I wanted to do yoga and work out and do these hit know. And the only reason I did them at all, the only reason is because my friend Jeannie and my friend Shannon came over with their little mats and they sat in my front yard and waited for me to come out there with the iPad to put the hit thing on there. Having an accountability partner or two there in my front yard that were showing up ready to go made all the difference. And that’s how I kept up with workouts all through the pandemic when we were all at HOme FeEling SedEntary. I think what also makes it attainable is weekly check ins, on scheduling, whatever it is you’re going to do and putting it in your calendar. Okay, you have to schedule it. The plan is the be all, end all as to whether or not you’re going to do it. If you have devoted this specific time to this specific thing, you’re way more likely to do it. Which also comes in with habit stacking, right? So if you put it in between habits that you already have in place, like Rise P Meditate, right? That’s one of them. Rpm, you’re going to be more likely to do it. Sometimes I tell my clients there are ways that you can trick your brain into getting you to think it’s a lot more fun. While you’re waiting for those endorphin and dopamine hits, you can trick your brain into thinking that the activity is already fun. So maybe if you’re running on the treadmill or going for a walk, you could listen to a MysteRy OnLY when you are doing that BeHavIOr. So your brain wants to get back to that behavior to find out who did it. When we read mysteries or comedies or things like that, our brain thinks books and movies Are real And there’s a part of our brain that thinks it’s real anyway, and that’s why it’s fun. Otherwise you would just be watching it and being like, this is Brad Pitt. I don’t care. Who cares about this. This is no big deal. But you think that the story is true and that this character is in peril or whatever it is, or you’re trying to figure out the mystery. And if you only do it when that behavior is know, you will be yearning to do it again. Which also caters to this idea that there’s intrinsic value and reward to doing the behavior right. So you might even like kick start getting those endorphins and dopamine hits running while you’re doing the behavior that you’re trying to get to be habitual and the other thing is, start small. It doesn’t need to be whatever shape magazine said it needs to be. You don’t have to work out for this many minutes all the time. If you’re trying to work out for 45 minutes three times a week, maybe you could just show up and do it for five minutes. Because I will tell you something. Five minutes three times a week is better than zero minutes three times a week, 100% of the time. And so if you could get the act of showing up there, when I’m teaching people how to meditate and make it habitual, I will often tell them, just sit there for three minutes. That’s it. Just three minutes. Just sit there. Because the act of showing up and sitting in that place and making that behavior of sitting there, settling in that particular place at that particular time, that is where the habit lies, and then the work comes later. It’s a little easier to sit there and meditate if you’re already sitting there, right? It’s harder if you can’t get your butt on the cushion. So give yourself little, teensy, tiny, bite sized goals. I know this is a lot, but I want you to think about which ones really speak to you. And if you’re doing the weekly schedule and you have to change something, look at my podcast called the southern hospitality syndrome. It will show you why that is so important. I don’t know what episode it is, but I’ll put it in the show notes. Okay, so let’s take a little break, and then we’re going to meditate together. Yes, we are. I’ll be right back.
[09:08] Come to a sitting position that makes you so comfortable, makes you feel just right, allows you to settle in. Find any little places that aren’t settled in your body. Pay attention. Make micro adjustments to allow yourself to settle in, allowing your head to settle, your shoulders to settle, your entire spine to settle, your beautiful heart center, and all of your guts and insides are all settling as well. Allow your arms and limbs and legs and hands and feet and all of that to settle and take a few beautiful, deep breaths, just knowing that your breath is always there with you. It’s your connection to the infinite, to every possibility, because you are a part of the universe. You’re made of stardust. Today we’ll be using the mantra aham brahmasmi, a favorite from one of my meditation teachers, David G. I am the universe. Aham Brahmasmi. Aham Brahmasmi. Silently begin saying this beautiful mantra to yourself. And as it changes or moves away, gently keep coming back to it. Aham Brahmasmi. Aham Brahmasmi. I will be back in a few minutes to gently guide you out, remembering that your focal point is with these words, I am the universe. Allow these words to gently float away from your awareness, just sitting in this beautiful, luxurious space of peace, perhaps bliss, perhaps calm, that you have created along with the universe and using the beautiful vibrations of these words to bring you just what you need to thrive on this earth. Take a long, slow, deep breath in your nose, letting it all go out of your mouth and another deep cleansing and clearing breath in your nose and letting it all go out of your mouth. And one last deep cleansing, awakening breath in your nose and then let it all go out of your mouth. And when you’re ready, you can open your beautiful eyes.
[20:06] All the tools you need for that interim period when the behavior that you want in your life with regularity is not quite there yet. It’s just not clicking just yet. And I’m going to explain this really well next time when I talk about southern hospitality syndrome, which is this little thing that I discovered when I moved from the north to the south, what’s happening here and why it’s difficult to keep those commitments that we make to ourselves. We’re going to talk about that next time. Until then, have a lovely, lovely day.
[20:41] How y’all feeling after that stress therapy session? Good. Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, the stress therapist on social media, at the stresstherapist on Instagram, and at stresstherapy on Twitter. You can always go to ilovetherapy.com to find out about meditation and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there. If you live in Georgia and you’re ready to be one of my clients, go to my website to find out.
[21:05] How you can sign up for a.
[21:06] Free face to face consultation with me. At the very least, jump on my mailer so you don’t stress or miss one thing. And until next time, have a lovely, lovely day.
