Breaking Promises To Yourself Again? You May Have Southern Hospitality Syndrome ~ Let’s cure it!
If you are someone that seems to keep commitments you make to other people but can’t figure out why you can’t seem to keep commitments that you make to yourself, this one is for you! You may have what I like to call, Southern Hospitality Syndrome! Don’t worry, there is a cure and I am going to hook you up with it today!
In this episode we will learn:
~ What Southern Hospitality Syndrome is, how to know if you have it AND how to cure it!
~ How your brain works when you make commitments to yourself and others
~ A meditation experience using the mantra Karuna Hum with the musical stylings courtesy of The Sonic Yogi
Meditation Music by Sonic Yogi
Deep Sleep With Singing Bowls
Pythagorean Dream
Listen to Sonic Yogi on: Spotify Apple Music Amazon Music Watch Sonic Yogi’s Ted Talk
Interesting Mentions: Flying Biscuit Cafe
Heartwood Retreat Center : location for Cheri’s Georgia Mountain Retreats Jekyll Island: Location for Cheri’s seaside retreat
The Host for this podcast: Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW The Stress Therapist and Author
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[00:00] Hey, beautiful people, what’s up? Do you have trouble keeping commitments that you make to yourself but pretty much stick to commitments that you make to other people? Oh, no. You could have southern hospitality syndrome and you might not live anywhere near the southern United States. I’m going to tell you all about it, how to get rid of it and start keeping those commitments that you make to yourself and win those private battles in your head. So relax and settle in and listen. And up, because your stress therapy session is about to begin right now.
[00:43] Hey, you beautiful people, it’s time for some stress therapy. A podcast about how to meditate and get better at stress for people living.
[00:50] In the real world.
[00:51] Finally, a place to park my 25 plus years of experience of working as a psychotherapist in the mental health field. And now your host, me, the stress therapist Sherry flake. Before we get into the thick of it, we’re going to take a teensy, tiny break.
[01:17] Be right back. Hey, beautiful people. What’s up? Okay, I know I have mentioned this before on this podcast, but I looked around and poked around and couldn’t find it anywhere. So I’m going to repeat it, which is okay, because really, really important things need repeating. I know I need it to be repeated. I don’t know about you, but here’s the deal. When I moved from the, like, I’m a midwestern girl, right? Like I grew up in Iowa, Michigan, Ohio and Illinois. Yeah, all those places. And then I moved to the south and I just could not believe how nice everybody is here. I mean, they are so nice. I mean, I stayed here. Everybody’s so sweet and so kind. But if you stay here long enough, you start to realize that maybe not so kind to themselves, right? Maybe extending a lot of hospitality outward but not seen as much coming inward. You know what I’m saying? So here’s how it goes down. Let’s say that you and I have a breakfast date. We’re going to meet at flying biscuit at Toco Hills, which is a lovely place for breakfast. I highly recommend it. It’s a little pricey, but kind of worth it. And let’s say that we are supposed to meet there tomorrow at 09:00 a.m.? Okay. And let’s say that I can’t go for whatever reason, doesn’t even matter. The reason I can’t make it. And let’s say that I don’t call you or text you or email you or do any of the things, right. I just don’t show up knowing perfectly well that you’re going to be sitting at the flying biscuit by yourself, enjoying their delicious coffee. I think it’s fair to say, well, I try not to live up to my name, but that I’m kind of being a flake. Right? Like I’m kind of being a jerk. A flake, whatever you want to call it. Your brain doesn’t know the difference between breaking a commitment with someone else or breaking a commitment with yourself. It sees it as the same thing. If you would call someone who just completely stands you up, a jerk or a flake or whatever it is, that is what your brain starts to call you when you can’t keep a commitment to yourself.
[03:31] Aha.
[03:32] Right? Big deal, right? Because we do that all the time. Because for some reason, this is why last week, when I was talking about Jeannie and Shannon showing up on my front lawn, I was more apt to do yoga or the hit workout or whatever. Because keeping commitments to other people, when you have southern hospitality syndrome, that’s what I call it, seems to be way more important than keeping commitments to ourselves. But our brain doesn’t know the difference. So after a while, if you break a commitment with yourself over and over and over again, your brain starts to call you those names. And if you call yourself those names over and over again, your brain starts to think that that’s true. And then you think you’re a jerk. And that’s why you meet someone and they say things like, well, I just can’t keep commitments to myself, or I just know I won’t show up. Or they’ve just completely given up because their brain has won that battle. Okay? I’m here to tell you that I don’t care who your friends are and how amazing and wonderful and spectacular or even famous they might be, they are not more important than you. And so if you break a commitment with yourself, you need to call yourself up and make a new plan. So let’s say that I don’t do anything. I am the jerk. You’re sitting there at flying biscuit enjoying one of their scrambles that are so delicious. I’m going to have to put this restaurant in the show notes for you because it’s really good. And they have tons of locations around Atlanta if you’re ever passing through. And of course, as the name implies, the biscuits are delicious. So let’s say that you’re sitting there enjoying a biscuit and one of their scrambles. I like the veggie one. It’s delicious. And they have really clever names for all of their dishes. There and I do call you and I say, listen, I am so sorry that I missed this breakfast. I feel so bad. I would like to reschedule with you. Okay. And let’s say that you say, okay, how about next Monday? I had the meal here. It was delicious. I feel good about coming sooner than later. Next Monday at nine works for me. There’s no way that I would say, oh yeah, next Monday at nine works for me too. If I’m looking at my calendar and knowing that it in fact does not work. Okay. I wouldn’t make another plan with you. That’s not reasonable or that I know I’m going to have to cancel on. Right. And we do that with ourselves all the time. We’re like, oh, yeah, I’ll just go to yoga on Thursday. Yeah, that’s good. Knowing full well that we’re going to have to do something else on Thursday at that exact time. So you have to treat yourself just like you would treat someone else. Get rid of this southern hospitality syndrome. Just go ahead and decide that the commitments that you make to yourself are just as important as the commitments that you make to other people. And that’s why you plan it. That’s why every Sunday or Monday, or whatever you think of the beginning or the end of the week or whatever, you look at your calendar and you decide where you’re going to put this new behavior that you want to make habitual into your life and you put it in your calendar exactly where it goes. And if for some reason you need to reschedule it, you call yourself up and make a reasonable backup plan. Now it’s perfectly okay to change your plan? Absolutely. But if you have no plan, you’re just being wishy washy. If you change a plan, you’re just being flexible, okay? Which is what yoga teaches us anyway, right? To be flexible on the inside and the outside. Okay, so southern hospitality syndrome is real. Figure out if you have it and if you are berating yourself for acting like a jerk to yourself, okay, it matters just as much as when you’re being a jerk to someone else. So let’s take a moment and then we will be back and we will meditate together.
[07:36] Find your lovely meditation space. Arrange your beautiful body in its position to rest peacefully while you allow your mind to settle along with your body, keeping your chin level to the ground and sitting up. Begin to notice your beautiful breath. You don’t even have to think about it. It just comes and it just goes.
[08:12] It just comes and it just goes.
[08:19] Always there with you. Your private personal lovely companion. Your breath. Today we’ll be using the mantra.
[08:32] Karuna. Karuna. Karuna. Hum.
[08:50] This lovely, lovely phrase in Sanskrit is. I am compassion. I see everyone with kindness.
[09:02] Karuna.
[09:05] Even myself. I choose compassion over judgment.
[09:14] Karuna. And by doing this.
[09:20] I become a conduit for peace.
[09:26] Karuna. Karuna.
[09:37] I don’t condemn.
[09:40] I do love Karuna.
[09:48] Filled with understanding.
[09:51] Karuna.
[09:55] Filled with happiness.
[09:59] Karuna.
[10:03] Silently say the mantra to yourself. And when it leaves your awareness. Just keep gently coming back to it.
[10:15] Karuna.
[10:18] And I’ll be back to guide you out.
[10:23] Karuna. Hum. Karuna. Hum. Karuna. Karuna. Karuna. Karuna.
[17:05] You allow yourself to return back to this time. This moment. In the room you’re in. And without opening your eyes. Just becoming aware of where you are. In the room you’re in. Where the walls are. How you’re seated. And without jumping up to get to the next thing. Just taking a moment to be in it. Feel what it feels like to have this mantra coursing through your body. Its beautiful, healing vibrations. And take a long, slow, deep breath in your nose. Letting it all go out of your mouth. And welcoming. Another long, slow, deep. Cleansing breath in your nose. Letting it all go out of your mouth. And one last awakening. Beautiful breath in your nose. Letting it all go out of your mouth. And when you’re ready, you can open those beautiful eyes.
[18:32] Close.
[18:36] Okay. I hope you’re ready to start treating yourself just as lovely. Just as kindly and just as courteous as you do anyone else that you meet on this beautiful earth. I want to tell you a story about my bestie’s mom. She is amazing. And I absolutely adore her. And one day she told me this story. And she is this beautiful southern woman. With this gorgeous accent. And just this. Oh, my gosh. She’s just so classy and wonderful and smart and amazing. I just love her to pieces. And her husband is a preacher. And so Sunday is, of course, Ara his busiest days. And she told me a story that.
[19:22] For years and years and years.
[19:25] Like maybe 15 or 20 years. Every Sunday she had to make a bunch of food. And go over to her mother in law’s house. And have this big luncheon after church. And that she really didn’t enjoy doing it. She felt obligatory and she felt like she had to do it. She didn’t have a choice. And that it was a part of being the family. And she didn’t want to let her mother in law down. And week after week after week after week. She had this luncheon every Sunday after church, and one day her mother in law came up to her and said.
[19:55] Do you have to come over every single Sunday?
[20:03] So I’m just saying, things you might be assuming about other people might not be on the money. Things that you might be assuming about yourself might not be on the money. So maybe rather than decide what the most friendliest thing is to do for someone else or yourself, say it out loud, write it down, talk it over, because you might just get out of that luncheon. You know what I’m saying? All right, I’ll see you next time. Until then, have a lovely, lovely day.
[20:32] How y’all feeling after that stress therapy session? Good. Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, the stress therapist on social media, at thestresstherapist on Instagram, and at stresstherapy on Twitter. You can always go to ilovetherapy.com to find out about meditation and yoga treats and other offerings that I have there. If you live in Georgia and you’re ready to be one of my clients, go to my website to find out how you can sign up for a free face to face consultation with me. At the very least, jump on my mailer so you don’t stress or miss one thing.
[21:05] Until next time, have a lovely, lovely day.
