Making 2023 The Best Year Yet!

New Year’s Resolutions??? GROAN! I get it! But what if you really could change this year? For real?? Today I am going to map out a bit of what I call, “The New Year’s Resolutionist’s Mistake” and exactly how to avoid it and reach your goals this year!

In this episode we will learn:
~The New Year’s Revolutionist’s Mistake and how to avoid it
~Specific typical new year’s resolution pitfalls and what to do differently
~Om Namah Shivaya meditation

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Quotes: “Don’t plan on doing anything every single day unless it’s biological. Instead, focus on making new behaviors normal…just what you do without stress, procrastination or excuses.” -Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW

The Host for this podcast: Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW The Stress Therapist and Author

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[00:00] Hey, beautiful people. New year’s resolutions get a bad rep because we go about them all wrong. Today, I’m going to show you how to avoid the new year’s Resolutionist mistake so you can change for good. Anyway, there’s no reason why you can’t make 2023 the best year yet. Let’s do this. So relax, settle in, and listen up, because your stress therapy session is about to begin right now. Hey, beautiful people. It’s time for some stress therapy, a podcast about how to meditate and get better at stress for people living in the real world. Finally, a place to park my 25 plus years of experience of working as a psychotherapist in the mental health field. And now, your host, me distress therapist Sherry Flake. Hey, beautiful people. Okay, new year’s solutions. You may have some really negative thoughts about new year’s resolutions. In fact, you might not even want to listen to this. Maybe people will even just scroll over it because it has to do with new year’s resolutions. But I’m telling you, the only reason that new year’s resolutions don’t work is because we’ve been going about them all wrong. There are some really simple ways that you can make new year’s resolutions work and make 2023 the best year yet. So we already talked about how the most important thing is that you are feeling good about whatever it is you want to change for the rest of your life. Put that information in your pocket and take it everywhere you go and spread it around. Because when we feel bad about what we want to change and not feel good about what we’re working on, your brain starts to avoid whatever that behavior is. It thinks you don’t like that thing because you feel bad every time you think about running or eating right or whatever it is, because you start to feel bad when you think about those habits that you want in your life. And one thing to consider is these things would not keep coming up year after year, day after day, whatever. If it wasn’t something that your true self really wanted, clearly this is something that you want in your life. If it keeps coming up, because I never get bugged that I’m not scuba diving, I don’t think about how bad I feel about that. I haven’t been scuba diving because I don’t ever want to scuba dive. Okay, that to me, sounds miserable. Okay? So it’s not coming up for me on the reg, right? But for you, if you’re always thinking, oh, my gosh, my tomatoes would be so much better, and if I just had a garden or whatever it is, if that keeps coming up, then clearly that is in alignment with who you are. Okay? What? Your heart’s desire usually has something to do with the gifts that you have been given during this lifetime, during this karmic past. And if you don’t honor those things, you feel bad. And when you feel bad. I’m telling you, your brain understands emotions. It does not understand words. So when you feel bad about something that you want to do, your brain thinks, I will avoid that for him or her or them. So they don’t get down, they don’t feel bad. So it’s protecting you. Your brain is protecting you. It doesn’t want you to feel bad. It wants you to feel good. So you have to trick your brain into feeling good. No matter whatever you have to do. You have to do whatever you possibly can to get yourself feeling good about what it is you want to change. So your brain will allow it even. Okay? So what we do in the past that normally doesn’t work with New Year’s resolutions, which we covered last week, is starting at the goal. Nothing magical happens on January 1, okay? If you have not learned that lesson yet, I can guarantee nothing magical happens on that day. And starting at the goal, like starting January 1, I’m going to be writing perfectly, or I’m going to be doing this activity perfectly. I’m going to be practicing the piano three days a week for 20 minutes. Okay? That’s the other thing. We don’t leave any room for flexibility, and we count on perfection like it’s going to be for 20 minutes each day. That’s what I’m doing. And we were very rigid about these rules, and your brain hates that, okay? Because remember, sameness equal safety to your brain. And so when you try to mix things up, even if it’s better for you, your brain is going to resist it. Unless it is biological, like tinkling and eating and drinking. Do not put that pressure on yourself to make it every day, okay? A new behavior, making it every day, even if it’s meditation, is extremely difficult. I will tell you I brush my chomps every single day, but there have been some days in my life when I did not brush my chomps. I’m perfectly okay. But the goal is to make it every day. Yes, but the goal is to make it just normal. I get up, I brush my chomps, right? I get up, I meditate. Am I one of those people who say that I have not missed a meditation in 20 years? No, I’m not. I have missed it, okay? And I am grateful for those misses because I know what it’s like to not practice, and I don’t like that part of myself. I like myself when I am practicing every day, most days, every single day. Do I miss a day? It’s very rare that I miss a day of meditation or brushing my teeth, but it happens. And I’m not going to beat myself up for three months ago I missed a day or whatever. I’m not doing that. I want to feel good about meditation, good about brushing and flossing. So I’m doing it on the reg. And when we’re starting at the goal, we forget that the journey feels so good. I mean, have you ever met anybody who’s actively changing or actively doing a new activity or something they’ve always wanted to do, and then they’re all of a sudden actually doing it? They are so excited. Just get them rolling. Say, oh, my gosh, I heard that you started playing tennis. They’re like, oh my gosh. Okay. So, yeah, I started playing tennis, and I was really bad, and then I got at this instructor, and blah, blah. They’re talking to you so animated. They’re so excited. Allow yourself that joy. Allow yourself. I mean, you might not be playing perfectly. You might not be playing everyday a m making quote marks. You might not be doing it the way that you wish you were doing. You might not be that good at it. Who cares, man? You’re working on it, and that is the name of the game. So some of the ways that you can make your New Year’s resolutions work for you is starting at the end of the year. Right? I mentioned this last week. Start at the end of the year. See the whole year in front of you. What do you want to have accomplished, tried, experienced, or done by the end of 2023? Okay. Challenge yourself to start any old time. You don’t have to start on January 1. You don’t have to start on a Monday. You don’t have to start in the morning. I mean, I could lift this glass of water to my lips right now and begin drinking more water right now in this moment. Every single moment is an opportunity for change. So don’t put this pressure on yourself that it has to perfectly start at a perfect time. Okay? So challenge yourself to start any old time and honor your true self. I’m not going to go scuba diving. I have heard it’s amazing. A lot of my friends have told me, oh my gosh, it is a meditative experience. I don’t know if it’s because of a past life that I’ve had a negative experience with it or whatever, but it just does not appeal to me. I don’t like pilates. I love yoga. Okay? Now, I have tried Pilates, so I can say that I can walk by that torture chamber and wave at those people and not feel guilty, but just honor your true self. So you don’t like Pilates, big whoop. Then do yoga. You don’t like scuba diving? Fine. Then just snorkel. You don’t have to give up everything around it, but honor your true self. What your New Year’s resolution looks like for you could look completely different than it does for someone else. And I think honoring that also sets you up for success. So you got to be a little open. You got to be a little flexible. Okay. And you got to think differently. You got to change the way that you think about change in particular so you got to feel good. Stop shooting on yourself. Don’t say I should do this and I should do that. Auto shouldn’t in disguise. Don’t do that. And think of New Year’s resolutions as new healthy habits. That’s all it is. And also, you could finally kind of just succumb to the idea that willpower is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. I am not a willpower basher, but relying solely on willpower and perfection, it’s going to set you up for failure. So understand that the more you use willpower, the stronger it gets. Challenge yourself with that. Avoid the comparison trap. I kind of covered that. Don’t be saying your neighbor’s doing this and your besties doing that. You’re you, that’s you. So you got to be a little kinder to yourself, a little more forgiving, and you deserve all the kindness and forgiveness that everyone else does. There’s nothing special about you. You deserve just as much kindness and forgiveness as everyone else on this planet. Okay? So you might want to plan a little bit if you’re looking at the whole year ahead of you instead of magical January 1, what are you going to accomplish at the end of July or by February 1 or by February 2 or third or fifth or whenever? Right? Ease into the role. If you want to be a runner, go pick out tennis shoes. Go pick out pants. Your brain loves to use the ego part of your identity to help you facilitate the new behavior. If you want to be a runner, then have running things. Do what runners do. Go to runners blogs, whatever kind of ease into your role, and your brain will love that. It will want to be a part of that group. There’s a part of your brain that’s reserved for fitting in, and so it’s very rewarding to have a support group of people who are doing the same thing. It’s kind of cool, and that’s how you learn about it anyway. Stay focused on successes, not failures. I just told you that I can’t focus on three months ago when I didn’t meditate, but I can focus on when the very next day I meditated. I sure felt better and understood that that’s a part of the journey and that it validates that meditation is good for me and that I want that in my life. And that is a present. That’s a gift from the universe and kind of take on this Wayne Dyer idea that you don’t have to be perfect. You already are perfect, okay? You were made from God or Buddha or Allah or Jesus or Susie or Patsy or whatever you call it. You’re already perfect. So just focus on being a little bit better than you used to be. Then you’re a little bit better and a little bit better and a little bit better, and by the end of 2023, my goodness, you’re a lot better and you can always get an accountability partner. When my girl is over here with me to do yoga, I’m more likely to do it a third party or accountability partner. Someone like me, like a therapist or just a friend. I mean, they’re going to root for you. They want you to do well. That’s what friends are for, man. And then you get to celebrate their successes and they get to celebrate yours. I have a wonderful friend. Her name is Veronica. She’s so sweet and she’s also a therapist. And a long time ago, when we first started our private practices, we used to take each other out every time we got a new client. And it was so exciting to get excited for the other person, you know what I mean? And then it’s kind of I don’t know, it sends out that vibe and that energy into the world, and then you’re open to more new clients, you know? And it’s just exciting to get excited for someone else and to be there for someone else. And also, you’re just more likely to do it if someone else is checking in on you, you know what I’m saying?

[11:39] Okay, so we’re going to meditate together.

[11:41] We’re going to do?

[11:42] Om nama Shivaya.

[11:44] Let’s meditate together right now.

[11:56] Today we’re going to be doing a mantra. Um nama shivaya. Om nama shivaya. Which is, I bow down to Shiva or adoration to Shiva. And Shiva is the supreme reality or the inner self or supreme self, or that knowing part of yourself. And there are beautiful pictures of this God depicted on the internet. And when we use mantra that is evocative of a certain quality of God or a supreme being, we’re bringing that vibration up into our consciousness, into our wise self. Om nama shaviah. Find your comfortable space. Allow everything to settle in. Take a couple of breaths and I’ll leave you alone for a few minutes as you repeat silently to yourself, om Nama Shivaya, om Nama Shivaya. When it escapes you, you just simply keep coming back to the mantra, and I will be back in just a few minutes to gently bring you out. Allow the phone mantra to fall away from your awareness. Sit in this luxurious place of peace and calm that you have created. Just allow yourself to sit in it, in the quiet before you awaken completely and have your beta waves churring around in your brain and getting you back to all that you have to do, all that you have to think about, all that you need to complete or worry about or whatever. Know that this moment is for savoring the quiet that was there always, that you’re slowly uncovering and allowing into your being by using this beautiful Hindu mantra to bring you all that Shiva can bring you. Take a long, slow, deep breath in your nose, let it all go out of your mouth, and one long, deep breath in your nose again. Let it all go out of your mouth. One last breath in your nose, letting it all go out of your mouth. And when you’re ready, you can open your beautiful eyes. I so hope that this mantra has.

[21:45] Brought you a little bit of peace, a little bit of love, and gets you geared up and ready for change in this beautiful January, this lovely year that we get to experience together on this earth in this lifetime. Right now, I want to do a quick shout out to a listener who sent me a message on Instagram. On Instagram. I’m the stress therapist and this is from Coro or Coro. I used to have a little bit of conversational fluency in Spanish because I spent some time living in Ecuador, but I need a lot of practice. Anyway, this beautiful listener says, I found your podcast and it’s been a huge help and Meditating has been a lifesaver. So this is major. I love this. So much love and light to you. I hope that if you do love the podcast, you will go and review it on itunes or Spotify or wherever. But mostly, if it’s helping you, all I get are these lame stats. It’s like this many people listen this week or this many people listen today or whatever, and this is where these people live. That’s it. That’s all I get. It’s super boring, so I don’t even check them. But when you reach out to me, oh my gosh, it means the whole world to me. It really, truly does. And it makes it feel like, I don’t know, they’re actual listeners. It’s not like some robot telling me who is listening. I get to meet you and engage with you and that means so much to me and it gives this work that I do meaning, and I just can’t tell you enough how much it means to me. So thank you so much and really reach out to me anytime at Stress Therapy on Twitter and the Stress therapist on Instagram. And you can always catch me on the web@iloveththerapy.com or the stresstherapist.com. I love you to pieces. Have a lovely, lovely day. How y’all feeling after that stress therapy session? Good? Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, the stress therapist, on social media, at Distress Therapist on Instagram and at Stresstherapy on Twitter. You can always go to I Love Therapy.com to find out about meditation and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there. If you live in Georgia and you’re ready to be one of my clients, go to my website to find out how you can sign up for a free face to face consultation with me. At the very least, jump on my mailers so you don’t stress or miss one thing. Until next time, have a lovely, lovely day.