What Do You Want (Your Desires Aren’t Going Anywhere)

✨ Episode Summary: In this soulful and spirited episode, Cheri explores the powerful pull of desire—how our deepest wants keep whispering to us, no matter how long we’ve ignored them. Through candid storytelling, humor, and a heartfelt guided meditation, she helps you reconnect with your inner truth and reminds you that joy is a spiritual directive. Whether it’s a creative spark, a childhood dream, or a mysterious calling, your desires aren’t random—they’re sacred. Plus, there’s a writing prompt to help you get clear and real about what you truly want. 📌 Three Key Learning Points:

• Desires Don’t Expire: Longings that come from your heart will keep nudging you until you pay attention—and that’s a good thing.
• Flip the Script with “Not This”: Clarity often starts with defining what you don’t want. Let that contrast guide you to truth.
• Ditch the “How” Trap: You don’t need to figure out the logistics—your job is to dream clearly. Let the universe handle the delivery.

💫 Mentions & Shout-Outs:

• 🧘‍♀️ Meditation by Davidji – Guided heart-centered journey into your desires.
• 🐴 Equine Therapy Story – A powerful reminder that “I don’t know how” is not a reason to quit.
• ✍️ Writing Prompt – “What do I truly desire?” (Don’t overthink—just write.)
• 🌄 Retreats in Georgia – Meditation + yoga in dreamy mountain settings: Retreat Info
• 💌 Join Cheri’s Mailing List – Sign up here so you never miss a retreat, episode, or soulful tip.
• 📲 Follow Cheri Online – @thestresstherapist on Instagram | @stresstherapy on Twitter
• 🌟 Rate & Review the Show – It helps so much. Thank you for spreading the calm!

🎛️ Episode Production: Produced and edited by Owen—a creative force behind the scenes, helping shape the energy and sound of each episode with care and clarity. 🎧✨

 

 

Hey, beautiful people.

People tell me all the time that they would love to live a life of joy and happiness and peace and all of the stuff, but they just don’t know what they want.

Today we’re going to talk about that. You don’t know what you want. Let’s figure it out together. Relax and settle in and listen up, because your stress therapy session is about to begin.

Right.

Hey, beautiful people. It’s time for some stress therapy. A podcast about how to meditate and get better at stress for people living in the real world.

Finally, a place to Park. My 25 plus years of experience of working as a psychotherapist in the mental health field. And now your host, me, the stress therapist, Sheri Flake.

Hey, beautiful people. Okay, so when I first opened my practice, I was really into teaching people,

of course,

of course,

how to get better at stress. But one of the things that I noticed is a lot of the times when we’re stressed out, it’s because we are not doing what we wish we were doing, right?

Like, our behaviors are not aligned with our thoughts about what we think we should be doing. Not that I want you to **** on yourself, right?

But if you are a runner at heart and, like, that’s who you identify as, like, you found such joy in running in your life, and you’re not running at all right now,

I have some bad news that is not going to go away.

You are going to continue to feel bad until you run again.

And I think people give up on those desires. But the thing is, is your desires don’t give up on you,

okay? And so there’s still gonna, you know, poke you occasionally until you do that thing that brings you joy, that makes you happy.

And then we just kind of decide after a while if we haven’t done it, that it’s not worth it or it’s too much trouble.

And we kind of decide that we don’t want that,

right? And I. I think we all have an example of when this has happened to us, right? You decide, I want to write a book or I want to. To, I don’t know, be in a band.

Like, in my case, I want to travel to this place.

And when you meet obstacles, instead of having the volition to overcome them or work on or go towards them, those obstacles actually stop us in our tracks. And we don’t know which way to go.

And a lot of times, because we’re doing these things on our own, which is why accountability partners are so important,

we just leave it and we don’t Remember that your brain doesn’t know the difference between a broken commitment with yourself and a broken commitment with someone.

And I’ve done a podcast on Southern hospitality syndrome and how that explains that and how you can overcome that,

which is essentially thinking that other people are more important or more valuable than you or deserve more than you. And that’s not true.

Speaker B: That’s not true. That’s not true.

Speaker A: Okay.

What happens when our desires don’t give up on us? They make us feel bad. And as you know, because you’re watching stress therapy,

that the number one thing you have to feel is good about anything that you ever wanna or it’s just not going to happen. So how can we turn this around?

How can we figure out what we want? You might have completely, totally forgot what you wanted. And let me tell you something.

I am not like the high almighty here. I have done this. Even though I teach this, I have done this repeatedly, and I just most recently have done it, okay?

So it doesn’t even matter if you know it. You have to be aware that you’re doing it. Aware of doing what?

Aware that you are trashing what you want or that you’re coloring it in a different way so you can tell yourself you don’t want it. So you can be okay.

It’s kind of like the New Year’s resolutionist mistake, right? We meet somebody and they’re like,

oh, yeah, I’m just not doing New Year’s resolutions anymore. I think that’s a mistake. I think it’s fine to have New Year’s resolutions, but like I say,

you know,

you have to go about them in a different way.

And when you change the way that you go about them, they’re really fun, they’re really exciting. And, like, life turns into this amazing New Year’s resolution. If. If your heart’s desire is to run or play the violin or whatever it is that you want to do, we have to pay attention to where that desire comes from.

And I suspect it comes from your perfect, beautiful, and holy self and that it was a gift that was given to you. I don’t want to play the violin. It’s never even remotely occurred to me.

I don’t want to go scuba diving. That sounds kind of terrible to me. I don’t want to do that at all.

Now, I’ve said before, and I’ll say it again, you can’t knock it until you try it. But. But there’s this desire, this, like, this excitement that comes to want to even try something that you’ve never done before.

If it’s innately in you,

that gift or that desire or that karmic path or whatever, there’s a reason why you would like to learn how to be a mechanic and your friend wants to be a Pilates instructor, okay?

It’s not only the circumstances that you’re put in. There are gifts that you have been given and if you don’t fulfill those gifts, you feel terrible.

Okay? This is why if I’m not singing somehow in a band or with someone or in some way,

I am kind of sad.

Okay? So one way that you can kind of uncover that is think about when you were little. What got you excited?

What made your heart sing? What games did you like to play?

What games did you normally win and you were happy to win?

What did you pretend to be when you were little and you were pretending, you know? And also what did you used to love?

What did you used to want? Well, I used to want to be an engineer, but this and this and that and that.

Well, I used to want to learn how to sew and make some clothes or knit or crochet or something. But you know, whatever. It was like, whatever, whatever. Usually people have that kind of toss away attitude.

And I’m just saying,

what if you just picked up a little crochet kit or if you just looked at a couple of, I don’t know what engineers do, math problems,

whatever, and just see if it’s still there. And rather than get wrapped up, because this is our biggest mistake,

and I do it too, everybody does it.

Rather than get wrapped up in all the reasons why you cannot do it or it’s not possible,

live in the land of that so not how,

okay? Live in that.

That means this is what I want. I need to sing in a band. It’s going to be difficult because I haven’t been in the music business for a long time or I don’t know anybody,

it doesn’t matter. Okay? Like all the excuses that come after all the why I can’t do it and the how would I ever be able to do this? How’s the whys don’t matter to you?

That is up to God, the divine, the universe, whatever you call it,

you are in charge of that.

And what I want that,

what I want is this.

What are those things?

Your job is to carefully craft an image of those things with a very, very clear intention. And the intention needs to be clear. It cannot be vague.

I am a runner. I run marathons.

10ks half marathons every day. My neighborhood Whatever it is, okay, I’m a competitive runner. I’m a runner for fun. Whatever it is. You have to define whatever it is that you want,

what you want.

And you only focus on that with a heightened emotion. Right? And we’ve talked about that before,

okay? So in order to let those things bubble up,

writing about them, writing prompts, you know, what I. What I really want, what I desire most. And we’re gonna do a meditation for this in a second. But, like, what do you desire?

When people say, I don’t want it? I will tell you. People are very, very good. They are experts at. We are so good at telling you what we don’t want.

Okay? Like, I could write a list a mile long of the things that I don’t want.

Why is my list of the things I do want so short?

What’s up with that?

It’s like we are totally wired up to focus on that negative, right?

And it might sound like a kindergarten assignment, but I do this with my clients all the time and it’s really helpful. So you get this piece of paper and you write down,

not this, not this, not this, not this. And if it’s not a lawyer, then what is it?

Well, I like the accounting part, I like the writing part. I like to think about whatever you write on the other side, the antithesis of whatever that is. I don’t want that guy.

I want a guy who is kind. I want a guy who is funny, that I laugh really hard with. People, they say they want someone with a sense of humor, but that’s a misnomer.

Everybody has a sense of humor. It just not might be in alignment with yours.

Unless it’s no sense of humor. I mean, you don’t want someone with a sense of humor. You want one that aligns with yours.

Right, okay, whatever. I’m just saying,

get detailed like that. Figure it out exactly what you want. Start here.

What is in your heart? What do you want?

And when you write it down like that, it starts to become a little clearer. But don’t abandon your desires because they’re not going to give up on you. They are not.

They’re going to keep coming back and keep coming back until you write that book or learn that language or go to that place or date that person or look for that job or whatever it is.

Maybe those desires is the universe, God, Buddha, Allah, whatever you call it,

tapping you to let you know that if you move in that direction that you might find this karmic, joyful path and what have you got to lose? All you have to lose is that negative attitude, that bad mood, that bad idea, that horrible feeling that you’re not doing what you love or what you want.

Okay, so let’s meditate together. We’re gonna do a meditation that I learned from Davidji. Okay, let’s do this meditation together now.

Speaker B: Okay? So find your beautiful sitting position. Close your beautiful eyes.

Speaker A: I’m gonna close mine too, so you don’t feel like there’s someone looking at you.

Speaker B: Just take a long, slow, deep breath in your nose.

Let it all go out of your mouth.

Allow your shoulders and your spine and your body to relax,

to find some peace. In your sitting position,

with your chin level to the ground.

Speaker A: And your body.

Speaker B: Upright, not leaning one way or another.

Just make some micro adjustments to allow yourself to sink deeper in to a calm,

tranquil space.

Just allow yourself to find your beautiful breath and noticing that it keeps passing through your heart center. So bring your awareness right to your heart center.

As breath comes and goes and nourishes your heart center,

Keeping your awareness here.

Watching breath come.

Watching breath go.

Just allow yourself this time to simply just breathe.

There are so many things to do. There are so many places to go.

Speaker A: There are a thousand things to do on your list. Just today.

Speaker B: Release all of this and be with me in this very moment,

right now.

Take another long, slow, deep breath in your nose.

Let it all go out of your mouth.

Another long, slow,

deep breath in your nose.

Let it all go out of your mouth.

For a moment,

I want you to ask yourself,

who am I?

And thoughts and images and ideas may come up. You’re just simply watching.

Who am I?

Speaker A: Who am I?

Speaker B: Allow this question to move away from your awareness,

coming back to your heart center.

What do I truly desire?

What do I want?

What do I truly,

truly desire?

Just allowing.

Speaker A: Allow.

Speaker B: What do I want?

What are my desires?

SAM Allow this question to fall away from your awareness.

What is my potential? Potential?

Where in my life could I fulfill my highest potential?

What potential waits for me?

Allow this question to fall away from your awareness.

And coming to what gifts have I been given?

What gifts do I bring to this world, to this planet,

to this moment in time?

SAM Allow this question to fall away from your awareness.

What brings me joy?

What lights me up?

What makes me so happy?

What brings me joy?

What makes me joyful?

What am I doing when I’m filled to the top with joy and bliss?

Allow this question to fall away from.

Speaker A: Your awareness.

Speaker B: Coming back to your heart center and your breath.

Take a long, slow,

deep breath in your nose.

Let it all go out of your mouth.

Again,

a long, slow, deep breath in your nose.

Letting it all go out of your mouth.

And again,

a long, slow,

deep breath in your nose.

Cleansing,

awakening.

Let it all go out of your mouth.

When you’re ready,

you can open your beautiful eyes.

Oh, I so hope that meditation was good for you.

Speaker A: Maybe eye opening, maybe not.

Speaker B: Sometimes it takes that meditation a few.

Speaker A: Times around to really start to uncover things. But if you can just relax and you can just be open,

you know, and leave yourself available to opportunity and potential and all of that,

I think it can be a surprising exercise. I didn’t like that meditation at first because I felt like it was too much pressure, or I was supposed to think of the perfect thing.

But it’s really about just sitting there and receiving and allowing rather than making something happen, which is what we sort of kind of get wrapped up in. Right. I was reminded while I was talking to y’ all about a client that I had a while back, and it’s just a really good example of this.

And she just kept saying, like, I don’t know, I just want to work with horses. I’m like, well, do you want to get a horse? No, I don’t want to own a horse.

Do you want to raise horses? No, I did that when I was little. I don’t really want to do that. I don’t want to do anything competitive. I just want to do something with horses.

Something with horses. I don’t know. I don’t know.

And we talked about it, and we went over it, and she wrote about it, and she, you know, talked, you know, talked to other people about it and made it a part of her everyday living.

And now she’s an equine therapist, which is a therapist that uses horses to alleviate anxiety, work with autistic persons. I mean, this is like the coolest, coolest thing. And she didn’t know how she was going to do it.

And if you’re not wrapped up in the house, you can allow the universe to decide how things are going to go down, because you could never have predicted how you would have the job you have or the spouse you have right now, or even the child that you have right now,

or the house you have or the.

The stick of gum that you have. You could never predict how you could have met that friend or ended up on that team or any of it. Right. It’s all these really cool stories that, like,

you know, they just come together. They’re just right. If we kind of get out of the way of ourselves, you know, if we kind of get in the way, keep our focus clear and our, you know, our intentions clear and our, you know, emotions and joy clear and the message clear.

Sometimes these things, they come to you. Don’t forget. If you go to my website and you click retreats, you will see the amazing, beautiful places that we’re going in Georgia.

I would love, love, love to have you for a meditation and yoga retreat. We are gonna have the sonic yogi in the mountains on our mountain retreat. It’s gonna be amazing.

Also, if you could rate and review and leave a comment and all those beautiful things, that would be great. I love, love, love, love, love to hear from you.

So until next time, have a lovely, lovely day.

How y’ all feeling after that stress therapy session? Good. Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, the stress therapist on social media,

hestresstherapist on Instagram and Stresstherapy on Twitter. You can always go to ilovetherapy.com to find out about meditation and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there. If you live in Georgia and you’re ready to be one of my clients, go to my website to find out how you can sign up for a free face to face consultation with me.

At the very least, jump on my mailer so you don’t stress or miss one thing.

Until next time, have a lovely, lovely day.