How To Get Exactly What You Want From Someone You Love

It’s one thing to not know what you want, but it’s a whole other thing to know exactly what you want and from someone you love and loves you back and still not be able to figure out how to get it. Today I’m going to show you exactly how to get what you want from the people who mean the most to you. I call this little method “Flowers on Friday.” And all this talk reminded me of a song that I wrote with my band 13 Stories years and years ago called, Flower which I have included here for you to enjoy, as well. Then, as always, we will meditate together with a mantra for abundance and wealth to seal the deal on our desires and the ability to express them well.

In this episode we will:
~Learn the “The Flowers on Friday” method and how to use it to get what you want
~Learn just how to articulate our needs well and clearly
~Om Shreem Maha Lakshmiyei Namaha meditation for manifesting abundance and desires

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Quotes: “You can’t really get mad that your needs aren’t being met if you’re not clearly stating them.” -Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW

Interesting mentions:
13 Stories on Spotify

Flower
Seeing you is seeing the moon
Where the rays may shine.
Missing you it’s missing the sun
When it’s dark all the time.

Touching you is touching the earth,
It’s the most natural thing.
Wanting you is wanting heaven’s rain,
I can’t slower a long drink…

I am a flower…if you don’t mind.

Needing you is needing a vase,
a place I could belong
Holding you is holding a dream
Ain’t got no hands, I can’t hold on
Worthless petals that push no wheels
Feeling stuck is how it feels
Many stay for the aroma
That’s all I’ve got to…Live for
The breeze that moves me
Hope that the rain will soothe me
And all the while, though it’s not my style
My shining hour is when you pick this flower
There’s so many just like me
So why like me? None just like me,
Hey, I like me! Hey, pick me!

I am a flower…if you you don’t mind.

Can’t you see, loving me
Is loving a flower if you don’t mind
I’m the perfect find.
Just don’t suck my nectar dry
You pick my petals wonder why
He loves me, he loves me not…
Green thumb guy
You’re the dirt I could sink my roots into
You’re the light that I blindly stare into and
I wilt, then blossom, my stem so sturdy
You know you want some
Gardner, get dirty

I am a flower…if you don’t mind.
I’ll be your flower, baby. I’ll be your flower baby, yeah.

Inspiration jewelry maker, Whitney Howard Designs

The Host for this podcast: Cheri Augustine Flake, LCSW The Stress Therapist and Author

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A word from your host, Cheri Flake, LCSW: Feeling good after our Stress Therapy session? Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, The Stress Therapist on social media or go to www.iLoveTherapy.com to find out about meditation retreats & yoga retreats.

Transcript: 

[00:00] Hey, beautiful people. I get it. If you don’t know what you want, it’s almost impossible to get it into your life. But I have a whole other podcast about that today. We’re going to talk about when you know exactly what you want and who you want it from. How do you get it? I’m gonna give you a very simple tip today on how to do this. It’s so easy. It’s season six on Stress therapy, all the secrets that this psychotherapist wants you to know. So relax, settle in and listen up because your stress therapy session is about to begin right now. Hey, beautiful people. It’s time for some stress Therapy, a podcast about how to meditate and get better at stress for people living in the real world. Finally, a place to park my 25 plus years of experience of working as a psychotherapist in the mental health field. And now, your host, me, the stress therapist, Sherry Flake. Before we get into the thick of it, we’re going to take a teensy tiny break. Be right back. Hey, beautiful people. It’s a really rainy, cloudy, sort of chill day in Atlanta, Georgia, here at Pink Treehouse Studios. I’m so glad to be with you today because I think it’s important to really kind of cherish when the weather isn’t like San Diego perfect, as I like to call it. Have you ever been to San Diego? San Diego is heavenly. It’s absolute heaven. However, who’s to say if the weather is good or bad, right? My parents are so into talking about the weather. Oh, my goodness. I mean, they will just go on and on and on. And they’re almost happy to report what is mostly considered, quote, bad weather, right? Like they want to call and tell you that it’s going to rain on the day that your kid has a tennis match or that when you were planning on even going outside at all, they want to tell you how bad the weather is going to be. I got to tell you, I’m always tempted to say, like, I don’t know, tell it to the trees, right? So today it is rainy in Atlanta, and I don’t know, I’m kind of enjoying the lushness of the earth, eating it up. Okay, why am I talking about the weather? Well, here’s the thing. It’s a little noisy today in Pink Treehouse Studios because in my little treehouse outside of my backyard that I have transformed into a little recording studio, the only part of the treehouse that I wasn’t able to really soundproof well is the ceiling. And of course, it’s raining and this is my recording time, so you might hear it. Maybe it’s soothing, maybe it’s annoying. Maybe you can’t hear it at all. But I’m going to apologize for any sound problems today because the atmosphere is raining today, and it’s so the earth can take up all of the beautiful, lovely rain and take a big, huge drink which totally reminds me of this song that I wrote when I was in the band 13 Stories. You can look us up on itunes or Pandora or Spotify. And I spent 13 years in this band. I was actually 27 for 13 years. It was quite remarkable, I mean, according to my manager anyway. But I wrote a song called Flower and it was about being stuck in a situation where you didn’t have a lot of power and there were a couple of lines about really needing a good long drink. So I will add this song to this podcast if you’d like to hear it. It might be my all time favorite song that I ever wrote. For 13 Stories, I’ve written 1000 songs and probably like ten of them are good and like two of them are great and this might be one of them. So I’m going to include in honor of this beautiful sunny rainy day, I’m going to include the song Flower by 13 Stories. I really love the lyrics here, so I’ll add the lyrics to the show notes too, and you can tell me what you think. So all of this is like tying in so nicely, I swear to God. I’m coming to a good point because and I didn’t even plan this, but just here it is on this rainy day reminding me of the lyrics from the song Flower that I wrote 100 years ago. Like, literally, I probably wrote that song 24 years ago, 25 years ago. And I’m about to tell you about what I call as a therapist, my little method here that I use with my clients. I call this the flowers on Friday method. Okay? So it all started 100 years ago, probably like I mean, realistically, it was probably about 16 or 17 years ago when I was pretty new in my psychotherapy practice. And I had a young woman come in. She was in her twenty s and she was telling me that she just could not understand why her partner would not bring home flowers on Friday. Her whole point was in her family, her mother, I guess her grandma went sort of down in generations. They really prized and valued getting flowers every single Friday. Now, side note, I love this idea and I have since told my husband about it because flowers on Friday is just, I mean, what a delight going into the weekend, right? So she really wanted this in her life as well. And she just could not fathom why her partner would not bring home flowers on Friday. She hinted around that she liked flowers. She hinted around that it was nice to have flowers around for the weekend and she was just irate that he was not doing it and she was mad at him all the time because this was such an easy way to love her. And I had to say to her and since then I’ve had to say this thousands of times, maybe tens of thousands of times. You have to tell him that that’s what you want. I mean, it’s remarkable how many times I hear my client say, I really want to tell this thing to my partner. I mean, this just happened again yesterday. It happens all the time. I mean, it’s like a legit instance of if I had a dollar for every time it’s happened, I would be a billionaire. So here’s the deal. They will explain it so well. They will articulate their feelings so clearly and say to me, this is example from yesterday. I heard about this way to deal with our baby, and this might be a really good parenting tool, but I don’t want to be condescending to my husband. And I don’t want him to think that I altogether buy into this method. But I want him to try it because I’m going to be trying it and actually tried it once, and it worked perfectly. But I don’t really enjoy it. And I kind of want to get his feedback about it, but I don’t want to force anything on him because then he’ll be reluctant to do it. Because in spite of it all, he won’t want to do it or he doesn’t want to feel controlled or like he’s being bossed around. He needs to be his own parent. So I don’t know how to present this to him. And she went into a two or three minute explanation exactly how she felt about bringing this up to her husband and how it might go really poorly. And all I said was, and I say this all the time again, this is like my go to thing. Have you said exactly that to your partner? That is a sentence that I say over and over and over again, and I’m always surprised to hear the person I’m talking to say no in some way. They’ll say, well, not exactly like that, or I’m afraid because of this or whatever, but the answer is essentially no. And I’m just saying when they’re talking to me, they’re using humor. They’re using identifiers of feelings. They’re talking about how they feel about it and how they don’t want to come across. And I think you can use all of those things when you’re talking to your partner. You can say, listen, I don’t want to be condescending. I think this doctor who wrote this book is a little nutty or whatever it is that you think is true. As long as you’re telling the truth, it can go really well. Okay? So my point is, and I think it’s kind of clear if you want flowers every Friday, if you want your man to make the bed, if you can’t stand it when someone leaves dishes in the sink, if you want to try something new in the bedroom, if you want to try something new with your kids. I mean, always with teenagers, this is an issue you have to set aside just a simple moment and say exactly what you want to the person that you want it from and just tell them why. My mother got flowers on Friday. That’s how she felt loved. She kind of taught me that. I feel loved when you’ve occasionally brought me flowers, and I love having them going into the weekend. And I just want you to know that it means the whole world to me when you do that. Right. It comes across a lot better than, why won’t you do this? You should know that’s, like, the one big argument that I get back is, you should know how to do this. You should know how to do that. Okay, so the reason why this is coming up is not only because I had a couple of clients this week again, tell me that they weren’t able to express their needs to their partner, but also because I am dealing with preteens and teenagers right now at my house. And there is a lot of advice out there on how to deal with this. I was not prepared for this transition. This is a vast difference than baby dumb toddler dumb, all of it. Have I longed for my delicious seven or eight or nine year old? I can’t lie a little bit. Yes. Have I indulged in videos and pictures of those times, missing them and lamenting over how easy that was? Yes. But I do need to face the reality of who I’m living with now and that I’m trying to help raise and shape and love and teach these preteens and teenagers to become adults, and it is throwing me for a loop. I’m a therapist. I don’t see kids, so I definitely don’t claim to be some kind of expert in that department at all. I only see adults. However, I joke around a lot, and I say things like, oh, I’m a therapist, so I’m bound to ruin my kids, or whatever, but I think I’m expected to know a little something, right? And so there is that pressure, and then there’s the pressure of just trying to be a mom and following all the advice of all these books that I’m reading. I mean, they’re like, don’t take it personally. I mean, how am I supposed to not take it personally? I mean, it’s hard, right? Like, when the people in your life are going through transitions that you’re just frankly not prepared for. And this happened actually in my house, and my husband was like, listen, this is the way you need to do it. I read this book, and he says, do this, and if you do this, it will go better. And he’s right. Okay, so now I might be a little defensive, because he actually is, right? Which is annoying because he’s a lawyer and not a therapist, right. But also what he was presenting to me, the method, the tool that he was giving me to handle our teen in that very moment was definitely a good one. But how he presented that to me did not go well. He wanted me to know how to do this because he’s tired of us having the same argument over and over again, and he just willy nilly threw it out there, told me I was wrong, what I was doing, and it just didn’t feel good. You know what I mean? So here I am on the receiving end of someone not telling me their needs correctly, right? And realizing at the same time that my needs aren’t being met, right? I need you to tell me this in a way that I can be receptive and excited about it and want to try it and maybe a little bit of humor and maybe a little bit of indulging me, and then I’m already doing a good job, even if that’s not very true. But these are my needs. When you give me a new tool to deal with our teenager, I don’t want to feel hopeless. I don’t want to feel like I’ve been doing it wrong the whole time. I want to be excited about trying something new that might work and fit in my wheelhouse as a parent, right? So instead of talking about the tool and the method, I actually sat my husband down. And he’s used to this because I’m therapist and I’m his wife, and he’s probably over it, but I sat him down, and I was like, listen, this is not the way to get me to try something new. I mean, you want me to try something new that’s in your wants and needs, but I need to tell you what my needs are regarding being on the receiving end of this. This is how I would like it. I would like you to joke about it. I would like you to say, this worked for me. Or I would like you to say, you could try this, even though it sounds silly or hard or weird or whatever. And we actually got into a long conversation about how each one of us is receptive to parenting advice and what is the best way to get it across to the other one. And so later on in the week, the opportunity arose, and he went ahead and did it in this new way. And even though I knew that he was just following the guidelines that we had gone over and that maybe he secretly thought he was right or he secretly thought it was stupid to have to do it this way, or he secretly whatever his secret thoughts were, I don’t know. Even though I knew he was following this formula that we had just worked out together as a couple, it still felt so much better, because I articulated my needs, and that’s why they were met. When you tell people what you want in the way that you want them from the person that you want it from, they have an opportunity to give it to you, and all your needs are met, right? And so if you want flowers every.

[14:03] Friday, you need to ask for flowers every Friday.

[14:06] And usually the easiest way is the simplest way. Now, maybe you’re really good at expressing your needs, but just remember one thing to think about when you’re expressing your needs that you want flowers every Friday is to say it in a really kind way and not talk about the other person you talk about yourself. I want flowers on Friday because I love going into the weekend with that beautiful scenery in my kitchen. I want flowers every Friday because it reminds me when I was little and my mom would get them and she would be so delighted. Right? I want flowers every Friday because it’s one of my favorite things. And fresh flowers are something that I often overlook. And coming from you, I feel loved. And this also brings me in to another discussion. And you can do this with your friends. You can do this with your parents. You can do this with your partner. You can do this with your significant other. You can do this with whomever even your kids. I feel most loved when and the first few might be really predictable because you already know your partner, your friend, or your parent or whatever, and you already know that they really enjoy it when you fill up their car with gas or whatever. Right? But if you put I feel most loved when and you fill that out and you give it to your partner, they have an opportunity to look at very simple ways to love you, according to you. For instance, I know my man does not care if the bed is made, okay? I just know this about him. He does not care. It has absolutely no bearing on his day whatsoever. I, on the other hand, really need to have the bed made or I can’t really start. You know what I mean? And so when I see that he has made the bed, I know that.

[15:51] He’S only done it because he loves me.

[15:54] That is a loving act from him. Does it make sense to him? Not remotely. He can’t figure it out. He has no idea why this is a way to love me, but he definitely takes advantage of it because it’s super simple and it only takes a few minutes, right? So I think allowing these little teensy ways to get people to give you what you want, be it acts of service, gifts, encouraging words, whatever your love language is, if you’re explaining that, if you see just encouraging words, I mean, that is lame. You could say, I want you to tell me that you love me every single time you get in a car. I want you to tell me that you love me every night before bed. I want you to tell me that I’m doing a good job or support me at work or you can even change it with respect to what’s going on in your life right now. Recently I told my husband I’m like with respect to work, I need you to listen really well and give me your opinion because I am stuck on this particular problem, right? Like, just say whatever it is that you want and then you can get mad if they don’t give it to you. But you can’t get mad if you’re not clear about what you want and then you don’t get it. You can only get mad and be right and get righteous. I’m just kidding. If you’ve told them what you want and then they don’t give it to you that’s a whole other conversation. So just remember flowers on Friday. There’s nothing wrong with it. You can judge whether or not this person should have flowers on Friday. Don’t show it on yourself. But if it’s feasible, if it’s economical, if it’s materialistic, you can judge all you want, but that’s what this woman wants. And it’s perfectly okay to announce your beautiful needs and wants and desires to the person that will bring the most joy from that thing and how it.

[17:47] Will mean the most to you.

[17:49] It’s perfectly okay to voice those opinions. Okay, let’s meditate together.

[17:55] Now sitting so you can be as.

[18:15] Comfortable as you can be without lying.

[18:18] Down, without leaning forward or back. Allow your head to just float above your neck, your chin level to the ground. Allow your shoulders to settle, your back to settle and find this beautiful space of just peace relaxing your limbs, relaxing your face and all the muscles around your eyes. You can go ahead and close them. Allow your jaw and neck and your spine all the way down to your sacrum to just settle in.

[19:06] And whether you’re on a chair or.

[19:08] On the floor, on a cushion, just make sure that you are supported and comfortable and able to sit for a few minutes to honor your body and your mind. Remembering that you’re doing this so you can gain the beautiful insights, benefits from meditation that we couldn’t even predict. They’re just so beautiful and abundant. Give yourself the permission to allow yourself to sit still quietly, peacefully, for just these few minutes. And speaking of abundance, today we’re going to do a mantra that is very popular in seeking abundance, in evoking the goddess Lakshmi. I am going to be singing this mantra to you in a singing voice, so it’s hopefully easier to take with you for the duration of the meditation, repeating this mantra over and over. First I’ll say it slowly and then I’ll sing it for you because I think it helps when there’s a little melody to the mantra so we can hang on to it a little tighter and then let go of it completely. The mantra is Om SHRIM Lakshmi a namah. Om SHRIM maha lakshmi namah. Om SHRIM maha lakshmi nam maha. Om shrimakshmi namah. Om shrimakshmi namah. Om shrimakshmi namah allow it to ring through your awareness. Remembering that when we use mantra, we simply bring all of our focus to this one thing. These words evocative of abundance, wealth, knowledge. I’ll leave you with the mantra and then I’ll come back to lead you out. Om shrimkshmi namah. Om shrimah lakshmi namah. Om shrimah lakshmi namah if you get lost, if the mantra fades or morphs about just come back to Om or Lakshmi. Om shrimkshmi namah. Om shrimkshmi namah. Om shrimakshmi namah. Om shrimah om shremah namah. Om shrimah om Shrima om Shrima.

[23:20] You close.

[31:58] Om shrimah om Shrima lakshmi namah. Om shrimakshmi namah. Om shrimakshmi namah. Om shrimakshmi namah. Om shrimah namah allow the mantra to fall away from your awareness. Knowing that its work is done. You’ve immersed yourself in it. Knowing that you’re different now. Knowing that you’ve called upon abundance, lakshmi and a wealth of whatever it is that you see. Happiness, money, love, friendship. Whatever it is. Then one last beautiful breath in your nose. Awakening coming to ready to take it on and ask for what you want. And then let it all go out of your mouth. And when you’re ready, you can open your beautiful eyes.

[33:40] Okay, so I promised you a little bit of 13 stories. Love. A little bit of love from the song Flower. So I’m going to play it for you now. Now it’s a little bit of a pop rocker. So you might want to stand up in your meditation space and move your body around a little bit. Let’s dance. Let’s do this. A little bit of bubble gum pop. Anybody coming in hot for you. Flower by 13 stories.

[34:06] Hang Hai. It’s the moon where the rain may shine. Missing you is missing the sun. When it starts all the time. Touching you, touching the earth. It’s ha. It’s the most natural thing. Wanting you is wanting heaven. Rain I can’t know a long dream I am a power of you. Don’t mind hating you with. Meeting a face. A place I could be long. Holding you with. Holding a dream. Ain’t got no hands I can’t hold on. Worthless petals that push no wheels. Feeling stuck, it’s how it feels. Many stay for the aroma. That’s all I’ve got to live for. The breeze move me. Hope that the rain will soothe me. And all the while those not my style. My shining hours. When you pick this flower there’s so many just like me. Don’t like me none just like me I like me. I like me. I am a flower. Don’t know can’t move me. Is loving a flower. If you don’t mind on the perfect sign. Just suck my neck to dry. You pick my petals. Wonder why he loves me. Not green, some guy you’re the dirt I could sink my roots into. You’re the light that I blind I will then blossom I’m so sturdy I am powering I am power of you don’t mind I am power you don’t mind I’ll be a flower, baby I see a flower, baby I’ll be a flower, baby. AI close.

[37:56] I so hope that this little chat about getting exactly what you want from the person you want it from is helpful. Certainly. Let me know. Reach out to me. I’m going to do a little shout out to my friend Whitney right now. Oh, my gosh, she lives in La. She’s super magical and lovely and amazing and just I love her to pieces. And the coolest thing about her is that she makes this inspirational jewelry. Oh, my gosh, I love it. I wear it every single day. And you can go to Whitney Howard Designs, whitney Howard Designs and see all of her amazing creations and little reminders and oh, my gosh, I just love it. I love her stuff. And she gave me the best compliment the other day. She was like, girl, I don’t listen to your podcast because I know you. I listened to your podcast for me, like, to help myself. So she’s not doing me any favors, but that’s the biggest favor. I love this compliment. And you know what? I had to return it. I’m like, girl, I’m not wearing your stuff because it’s yours. I’m wearing it because I absolutely love it, and I know you will love it, too. So go to Whitney Howard Designs and give yourself a little bit of inspiration. I’ll see you next time. Bye. It’s time to tell you about another ethereal network of shows podcast that I think you’re going to absolutely love.

[39:14] Welcome to the podcast world Awakenings, the fast track to enlightenment. YouTube Channel. World Awakenings is the channel that seeks the knowledge and answers to all things spiritual, metaphysical, and enlightening. And we do that by having some of the world’s greatest teachers, authors, and experts as our guests. If you’re seeking a better, healthier, happier, more loving, joyful, and abundance filled life, then you’ve come to the right place. The world awakenings. The fast track to Enlightenment podcast. With me, your host, Carl Gruber. If you want to know more about the law of attraction, a course in miracles, metaphysics, trance, channels, energy and chakra, healing, and more, you’ll find it right here on the World Awakenings Channel. This is the podcast world awakenings the fast track to enlightenment. Welcome to the show.

[40:14] How y’all feeling after that stress therapy session?

[40:16] Good.

[40:17] Awesome. Check out the show notes to connect with me, the stress therapist, on social media, at The Stresstherapist on Instagram, and at Stresstherapy on Twitter. You can always go to ilovetherapy.com to find out about meditation and yoga retreats and other offerings that I have there. If you live in Georgia and you’re ready to be one of my clients, go to my website to find out how you can sign up for a free, face to face consultation with me. At the very least, jump on my mailers so you don’t stress or miss one thing. Until next time. Have a lovely, lovely day. Close.